Dirty Little Secrect
by Trishata96
Summary: Kaidan and Garrus knew each other before the whole reaper fiasco. Of course they were each others dirty secrets and acted like they didn't know each other. That doesn't stop them from sending each other messages. Kmeme prompt fill. Slash. Kaidan/Garrus (Valenko) Mass Effect 1 COMPLETE!
1. Eden Prime: Aftermath

**The Prompt: Let's see some Mass Effect characters pining for their loved ones in eloquent and naughty detail. Can be played straight, or you could dial it up to 11 for crack value. Possible extra points for alien dudes waxing nostalgic over things we might not expect.**

**I'd love it if you surprised me with the writer and recipient - you could even only hint at their identities and let us guess! Good dirty fun for all.**

* * *

(Name Blocked) Zakera Wards, Citadel

Please answer this as soon as possible! I just heard about Eden Prime and that The Normandy barely saved the colony.  
Just let me know you're okay!

* * *

(Name Blocked) SR1 Normandy

Calm down. I'm fine, just a few cuts and bruises. Though... the Normandy couldn't get there in time... we lost a lot of soldiers and colonists. The 212 is... gone. Along with one of the crew.

Because of Saren. Yes, the Turian Spectre. Apparently he led the Geth to Eden Prime to steal the Prothean beacon. He even shot the other Turians spectre, Nihlus. Just calmly shot his former apprentice in the back of the head, in cold blood. Just, don't tell anyone about this until it's public knowledge. I will get into so much shit for telling you.

Hopefully we'll see each other soon, The Normandy's heading to the Citadel. Just try to avoid getting killed or anything, please.

* * *

(Name Blocked) Zakera Wards, Citadel.

For you anything... within reason of course. Though as if I'd get killed. You know that's unlikely. Let me know if you've got shore leave, you sound as if you need some alone time.

* * *

(Name Blocked) SR1 Normandy

I see what I can do. Thanks for checking up on me. Sounds as if you were tearing your hair out, uhm... ignore that it's a human saying. I have to go, Anderson wants me to do a report.

* * *

(Name Blocked) C-Sec Academy

Hey, I've been asked to look into Saren and if he's responsible for Eden Prime. I hate to say this but... I don't think you have a good enough case against Saren. I can't find anything concrete since everything he touches is classified. I had a lead but Pallin's shut it down. Has the Normandy arrived yet?

* * *

(Name Blocked) Council Chambers

Hello? I know the Normandy docked four hours ago. It's not like you to not reply.

* * *

(Name Blocked) Council Chambers

Will you look at your omni-tool?! I've left you alot of messages.

* * *

(Name Blocked) Presidium

Oh damn, Sorry. I kept meaning to check my omni-tool. I was just focused on getting ready and having to deal with a politician, watch my XO get chewed out by the council, see that smug grin on that Turians bastard's face before my morning coffee.

... sorry ranted a bit. Where are you right now? What was that lead you were following up? Shepard and Anderson are not letting this go and neither am I. We're currently heading to Chora's Den to find out where you are from Harkin.

* * *

(Name Blocked) Chora's Den

You are definitely leaving me hanging. What sort of person leaves their lover hanging, when they need to find you and they are getting shot at by assassins and harassed by Asari... See you at Dr. Michel's medical clinic.


	2. Citadel

User1(Name Blocked) Set up chat with User2 (Name Blocked) ;

1: Soo... happy to see me?

1: Don't give me that look. I know that shot was a risk and I could've got the Doctor.

1: Seriously stop it. That smouldering look in your eyes is making me want to jump you right here and now.

1:I noticed that smirk.

2:What smirk? I'm not smiling.

1: You're smiling with your mind. I can tell.

1:Okay now you are mocking me. Stop glaring at me! I don't want your team mate and CO noticing the lustful looks I'm giving you in return.

2: Ahem. Excuse me, who is currently walking drag and checking out my 'supportive waist'? And being very obvious about it?

2: Hmm... that shut you up quick. Be glad Shepard doesn't know Turian body language.

1: You are going to pay for that later.

2: I know ;)

1: You really have missed me, haven't you?

2: I think you missed me just as much.

1: I think you have more, all those nights having to sleep in a single bunk without a body to keep you warm and for you to snuggle up to. Not to mention relieve stress, caress you with their tongue in all the right spots...

1: Me thinks somebody just went very red in the face. Score.

2: Oh shut up.

1: Oh have I hit a nerve?

2: Do you ever want to have sex again with me?

2: I'll take that as a yes.

1: The sooner we find that Krogan the better.

1: So we know have a Krogan, a bad ass Commander, the best cop in town, a kick ass woman and a powerful Biotic. Chora's Den here we come!

2:Calm down boy.

**I'm being ambigious about Shepard since I'm not sure whether to have mshep or FemShep. So ideas?I'll put a poll up on my profile.  
**


	3. Interlude 1

Chat set up on board SR1 Normandy. Users unidentified. Locations, Cargo bay and Crew deck.

1: I have to admit this ship is impressive.

2: I still can't believe you quit C-Sec.

1: And miss this sort of adventure? As if! That and at least I can make sure you'll come back in one piece.

2: I can handle myself perfectly fine.

1: Really? Those thugs of Fists managed to get one up on you. And who had to save you?

2: They got lucky. OKay. And you didn't have to swoop in and save the day.

1: Really? You sure liked it when I swooped in several months ago, unannounced and took you.

2: And you sure liked it when I demonstrated a bit of Biotic supremacy after that. In fact you were begging for more.

1: Damn, that back fired.

2: Anyway back to the topic before hand, won't your father go ballistic when he finds out?

1: Not as bad as he would if he find out about you. Most properly take out C-Sec academy.

2: Not as bad? Dare I ask how bad it would be if he found out about me?

1: Hmmm... Well we would have to say goodbye to the Human, Volus and Elcor embassies and a fair portion of the presidium. By fair I mean the majority.

2: Bloody hell...

1: So moving on from about my father, are you just as surprised that Wrex joined up?

2: I suppose so, but long as we keep him on our side and a fair amount of people for him to eat or charge at, we'll be fine. Have you talked to Tali?

1: Yeah, she's a good kid. Very good with tech. Definitely better than me and maybe as good as you.

2: Have to agree with you there. She's a little shy and jumpy in combat but I'm sure she's a quick learner.

2: Speaking of quick learners... Shepard's adapted pretty quickly to his new Spectre position.

1: I still think Udina could have been a little more nicer to him and hopefully Shepard will be a great leader.

2: He is. He was calm on Eden Prime and very respectful to any we met on the Citadel. Though according to Joker there are two things that are his achilles heels.

1: 'Achilles heel?'

2: It's a phrase, basically your weaknesses, like yours is being able to tell when somebody is hitting on you.

1: What do you mean?

2: Dr Michel.

1: What about her? We're really good friends, I mean she sends me Dextro chocs.

2: I give up... Anyway. Shepard apparently can't drive or dance even if his life depended on it.

1: His dancing can't be that bad.

2: To quote the ornery bastard flying this ship 'Shepard can only do one move. And that's the Shepard Shuffle. Which is lousy, trust me'. I think I'll trust Joker on this one.

1: Well, he's on the hunt for a rouge spectre, so we can excuse that. How bad is his driving.

2: All he said was 'I feel sorry for the guy in charge of fixing and calibrating that damn Mako'.

1: Oh shit... That's me.

2: I'll give you a hand when Shepard trashes it, help preserve your sanity.

1: Hmmm, speaking of the Mako, It is pretty cosy. Perhaps every so often me and you can work on upgrading a few things... preferably at night and when no one's in the cargo bay...

2: ...

1: You know, just you and me. Alone. In Private.

2: Garrus.

1: 'Cause you know. It's been a while since we've seen each other.

2: Garrus Vakarian.

1: What?

2: There's a rule on Alliance ships. No fraternizing, that and...

1: You're worried what their reactions will be.

2: Well, Joker and a fair majority of the crew, know I go both ways. Just not with aliens. And relationships between our two races are frowned upon.

1: You're also worried about word getting back to your parents.

2: My father's only just gotten over the shock of finding out I like men too. I don't think his heart can cope with finding out I'm with a male Turian.

1: Hey, don't stress yourself out, I think my dad would freak out at finding out I slept with a bloke, never mind a human.

2: I suppose so.

2: Got to go, Shepard's coming over to have a chat.

1: Okay. I'll stay here and be your Dirty Little Secret.

* * *

**Hopefully the pairing is a bit more clearer now.**


	4. Post Therum

1: I think I'm going to be sick...

2: Can Turians turn green?

1: I mean it Kaidan! Shepard is a mad man at the steering wheel! We nearly went into the lava fifteen times! Me and Williams were screaming like girls! Well Ashley is a girl. But never mind that, He was running the Geth over! Then reversing over their bodies to make sure!

2:... He double tapped them?

1: He even rammed a Geth Colossus... While humming along to a old Earth song... erm I think it was called 'Motorway to Hell'

2: Highway to Hell. I'll guess the song was appropriate.

1: What the hell do you think?

2: Now you mention it, you and Williams did look quite green at the debriefing... Lord above help me when it's my turn...

1: Well when that happens I'll be here to comfort you, unless I'm having a mental break down due to the state of the Mako. There's still Geth pieces wedged underneath the damn thing!

2: At least we'll go insane together.

1: True. By the way, any ideas for a Thank you gift for Joker? I think he deserves one for pulling our butts out of the volcano.

2: Just send him some porn or Fornaxs, that will do the trick.

1: Seriously?

2: Seriously. Joker is the biggest pervert I've ever known. But the best pilot I know, even if he tends to fly the ship with one hand while the other hand... well take a guess.

1: Maybe we'll want to keep Liara and Tali away from the cockpit, try to preserve their innocence.

2: Agreed. Speaking of Liara, do you think she's right about having no idea why her mother joined Saren?

1: I can tell, she would not be able to life even if her life depended on it. Way too honest. She's pretty much an open book. What is even more obvious is the interest she has in the Commander. He does know what 'embracing eternity' means?

2: Apparently not. I don't think the Commander has noticed her interest in him.

1: Williams also doesn't seem to Liara, keeps giving her funny looks, like she doesn't trust her. Sorta similar to the looks she gives me and Wrex. I mean Wrex I understand, but Liara's pretty harmless.

2: The Chief's just cautious, she just has a feeling the council will happily feed his to the Varren. That and I think the Chief's a little jealous.

1: Jealous? Come on... you're not joking are you? Though you are right about the council, they do have their heads stuck up their backside.

2: Nope. I think Ashley has a crush on the brave and dashing Commander who swooped in to save the day. That and she sorta let it slip on the Citadel, stumbled on her words, blushed a little. I think Shepard needs to be careful.

1: Why? Do you think we may end up with them fighting over Shepard?

2: Yep, Joker may be treated to a cat fight.

1: What does cats have to do with this?

2: Human Terminology. Used to refer to two or more women fighting over a bloke.

1: Why must you Humans have such confusing terminology?

2: Because we want to confuse you aliens so much we can easily take over the galaxy.

1: Oh ha ha ha. Very funny.

1: Soooo... Care to help me with the Mako? It could use some calibrating.

2: Why? Is my poor Turian in distress?

1: I've just been on the roller coaster of hell. Yes, I'm in distress.

2: Okay I'll come down and give you a hand.

2: No funny stuff.

1: Aww... Spoil sport.


	5. Interlude 2

1: Thanks for the help earlier.

2: And thank you for keeping your Talons to yourself.

1: You better be grateful, I swear you were teasing me every time you bent down.

2: I had a feeling you were admiring my 'supportive waist'.

2: Among other things, don't think I saw you sneaking peaks in the showers.

1: I have no idea what you are talking about...

2: Riight. So it wasn't you checking me out? Who else could it have been? Wrex? Shepard?

1: Does Shepard always talk to everyone after a mission?

2: Yes he does. But I doubt it was him checking me out in the showers. I have confirmation he's straight.

1: Hey, I most definately did not like men but then I met you. So don't judge the guy, he may surprise you.

1: He seems very concerned about his team's personnal welfare.

2: Garrus, are you changing the subject on me?

1: Shepard's also quite a mentor. He's also quite fair. Put Ashley's concern about working with Aliens to rest quite calmly.

2: Garrus.

1: You're not going to let this go, are you?

2: What do you think?

1: Do you blame me for my eyes wandering to a certain, well built, tall, dark and handsome Biotic?

2: Damn ,you sure know how to flatter a bloke. And no I don't.

1: And I don't blame you for your eyes wandering.

1: Do you want some ice for that burn?

2: ... drat and double drat.

1: Me 6, you 5.

2: Watch it.

1: So any idea where we are going?

2: We're on our way back to the Citadel. But we'll be making a side trip to a mission Hackett's sent our way.

2: 'scuse me Shepard wants a word.

2: ... Garrus could you slip some of your dextro food into mine at breakfast in the morning?

1: Let me guess, you've been picked to accompany Shepard in the Mako?

2: Please. I hate roller coaster rides. They are terrible, I end up puking my guts out.

1: Have fun, Kaidan.

2: I hate you so much right now...

1: Love you too!


	6. Pre-Feros

1: So how was the trip Kaidan?

1: Kaidan?

1: Hello?

1: Anybody home?

2: Migrane. Plz leave me alone.

1: Sorry.

(90 minutes later)

2: Right I'm up and running again.

1: Bad one?

2: Yeah, I think I overused my biotics a bit too much on the mission. God how I hate Husks.

1: Never fought a Husk yet, don't think I want to considering the nightmares they give to the chief.

2: Nightmares?

1: Yeah Ash has fallen asleep in her cot down here a few times. Sometimes she starts tossing, muttering names. Sometimes she wakes up screaming. She doesn't seem to want to let anyone know.

2: Have you tried waking her up?

1: I'm not sure if that's good for my health, she sleeps with a pistol under the pillow. You wouldn't be happy if your _dirty little secret_ got shot. Also she still doesn't trust me.

2: Garrus, just if Ashley starts having a nightmare, wake her up. You're wearing armour. You'll survive. Please, she's suffered enough from Eden Prime.

1: Okay, I'll do it. Though if she shoots me...

2: Which she won't, if you remove the heat sink from her pistol when she's not looking.

1: ...How come I didn't think of that?

2: I don't know, Blasto. It's not as if going in guns blazing _always_ works out. Not.

1: Hey! Sometimes we can't plan beforehand, remember when we first met. You working undercover, me investigating the Vorcha Mafia. I saved your _'asset'_ by going in guns blazing.

2: And later I repaid you by saving your _'supportive waist'_ by taking a step back and thinking.

1: I still do not know how you did that with just a thousand credits and a bottle of whisky.

2: Yet I did so in better style than you.

1: Some would beg to differ.

2: Not you though, you liked pretty turned on back then. Along with some of the Asari dancers.

1: No I wasn't. I was shocked at how such a terrible plan that hinged on too many varibles succeeded.

2: Hmm. Then why did you come to my Aparment afterward the bust and sweep me off my feet?

1: Obviously I was drunk.

2: You seemed pretty sober then, though a bit busy tripping over your words and getting all flustered.

1: I was not getting flustered.

2: Really? I'd say so, especially with the ever so cute innuendos. What was my favourite? Oh yes, the _'Reach'_ and _'Flexiliblty'_ one.

1: Oh Spirits. Please stop.

2: _'I always savour the last shot'._

1: Please stop, Williams is wondering why I'm face palming.

2: Not my fault, they're your innuendos.

1: Well, stop quoting them.

2: But It's fun.

1: Kaidan.

2: Garrus.

1: Kaidan.

2: Garrus.

2: Shepard just came by. He says that no shore leave is allowed when we dock at the Citadel. Apparently it's just a quick restock and then to Feros.

1: Any bets on what'll be waiting for us?

2: Geth, obviously.

1: True, it's not as if we'll get attacked by zombie type things and evil plants.

2: I now have a very bad feeling about this.

**Just some backstory and hinting as to how Kaidan and Garrus ended up together. Thanks to my one and only reviewer CyanB for the feedback.**


	7. Post-Feros

**(Chat set up between hard suit and Cargo Bay, Users unknown)**

2: You and your big mouth.

1: What? What did I do this time?

2: 'It's not as if we'll get attacked by zombie type things and evil plants.' Guess what happened on Feros?

1: You, Shepard and Tali got attacked by Zombie type things and evil plants?

2: Correct. You had to go and jinx it, didn't you?

1: It can't have been that bad.

2: I'll list all the bad things that happened.  
1. We got attacked by Thorian Creepers (e.g Plant zombies!).  
2. The colony decided to try and kill us as they were under the mindcontrol of the Thorian.  
3. I nearly got mauled by an Varren Alpha male.  
4. The Thorian, this big massive evil plant, decided to try and kill us. I am now offically off salad for the foreseeable future.  
5. We had to ride in a Mako and Shepard nearly drove us off the skywalk. Several times!  
6. The Thorian Creepers love to try and vomit on you. And said vomit is acidic.  
7. I was on the recieving end of a Krogan Charge.  
8. Did I mention Shepard was driving?

1: I rescind my previous statement. That does sound bad. I was going to compare that to Joker bitching and moaning. But I value living...

2: Note to self: Let Joker know what I went though.

1: When are you coming back to the ship?

2: When we've finished making sure everyone is okay and Shepard's recovered from his latest mind 's actually letting Benezia's former lieutenant stay to help the colonists.

1: Could you fill in the gaps please? The Turian is lost.

2: Saren needed the cipher (an understanding of Protheans), The Thorian lived from the Prothean's time and had an understanding. Shiala (the lieutenant) was made as a spokeperson and transferred the Cipher. The Thorian kept her. Saren then sent the Geth to kill the Thorian to stop Shepard from finding the Cipher. When we killed the Thorian, Shiala was freed and we let her go.

1: And how did the Thorian control the colonists.

2: Spores, which it used to mind control them, apparently Exo-Geni knew about the Thorian and that's why they planted Zhu's hope right above it, to examine it.

1: Wait... so the colonists were test subjects. Spirits, I guess Shepard wasn't happy.

2: Hang on we're heading back to the Normandy now. I think after the debriefing, I'll be spending the next hour, cleaning gunk from my armour and having a shower to get rid of the stench.

2: And yeah, Shepard was not a happy bunny.

1: What? Damn it, Kaidan! Stop it with the human sayings.

2: I know, I know. I really should have learned from the kitchen sink incident.

1: Spirits that was embrassing.

2: Hey you nearly killed me off with laughter.

**( Chat terminated. Chat resumed 30 minutes later between terminals in the cargo bay.)**

1: Sheesh, you don't half stink.

2: I noticed.

1: It's bad for Ashley standing right next to you, but with Turian sense of smell, I think it's the same as what she is smelling.

2: Garrus. Telling your boyfriend that he stinks of god knows what, is not very wise. So please shut up, I'm getting enough flak off Ashley

1: Well I am just several meters away from you, so I can hear all her remarks... now that was immature even by Joker's standards...

2: What? 0:)

1: Putting some of the gunk into her hair.

2: Shh! She hasn't noticed yet.

1: For the record I am not intervening when she introduces a shotgun up your backside.

2: Point taken. Right I'm done, now I'm going to go and hide.

**(User 2 Tranferred to crew deck terminal)**

1: And here's Shepard on his rounds... oh my.

2: What?

1: Apparently Ashley's little sister thinks Shepard is 'cute' and she wishes he didn't hear that. Fat chance when he was standing right behind her.

2: Did she blush?

1: Yep, Shepard looks a little flattered as well.

1: Oh and Ashley's just gone off to hunt you down.

2: Shit! Gotta hide.

1: Have fun! :P


	8. Interlude 3

2: Ow...

1: Oh stop moaning.

2: Garrus. Every part of my body aches. Damn you, Shepard. Why did he have to let Ashley have a 'sparring match' with me?

1: What's the saying 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. I think he was just doing the wise thing and not putting himself in Ashley's cross hairs.

1: Even if he spent five minutes in the cargo bay laughing his head off while Ashley was hunting you down...

2: At least he has a sense of humor...

1: But alas he has not noticed the yuppy eyes that Liara gives him or worked out what 'embracing eternity' is usually associated with.

2: Should we tell him? (By the way it's puppy eyes)

1: Nah. That'll spoil the fun.

2: You've got money on Joker's betting pool haven't you?

1: Maaaybee.

2: Dare I ask about it?

1: Promise not to tell?

2: I promise

1: Right I'll copy and paste it in, though it's not entirely focused on when Shepard figures the whole thing out

Who will Shepard get with?

Ashley: 6  
Liara: 9  
No one: 4  
Alenko: 1

2: Why is my name on the poll?

1: Joker put it on. In the discussion, he sorta informed everyone that you were bisexual... and now Chakwas is convinced you both have something more than brotherly love going on.

2: Remind me to break every single bone in his body. Though it at least explains the funny looks I've been getting off the men when in the showers.

1: Should I hold him down for you?

2: I'll manage on my own.

1: Okay. There's also another Pool.

When will Shepard realise Ash and Liara like him?

After Feros: 4 / (Nope hasn't noticed)  
After Noveria: 4  
Never: 2  
When both of them confront him: 10

2: I hate to think what the brass' reactions would be if they saw this.

1: Hmm, the Hierarchy wouldn't be too fussed.

2: Okay, so where are we heading now. I'm not sure as I was a bit busy getting my backside handed to me.

1: Citadel for supplies but we'll be diverting to some missions Hackett's sent our way.

2: You'd think that Hackett would send someone else. We are meant to be taking down Saren and theoretically don't have time to waste.

1: At least it's good target practice, perhaps Shepard wants to get us all used to working together.

2: True... or he wants to terrorise us with his driving.

1: Mind you Shepard did say he was going to take us both out on the next mission.

2: Shoot me now. Nope hang on I'll ask Ashley to shoot me.

1: No, she'll let you suffer. We can scream like little girls together.

2: What did I do to deserve this?

1: Ashley, Hair, Gunk.

2: That's it. I'm shooting myself...

(Five days later.)

2: Hackett is a goddamn slave driver...

1: Agreed, I think dealing with that Thresher Maw was enough today.

2: Thresher Maw? That'll explain why Shepard's pale.

1: Kaidan. Is something wrong with Shepard? I mean he froze up a little when he saw the Admirals' men and when the Thresher Maw appeared.

2: You don't know?

1: Kaidan.

2: Shepard was assigned to a squad on Akuze in 2173. They were sent to investigate why the colony had gone missing.

1: Thresher Maws?

2: Yes. He's a sole survivor, Garrus. I know he's still on PTSD meds.

2: And I shouldn't have told you that...

1: Why would you know that in the first place?

2: I am the team's field medic.

1: Good point.

2: Garrus... have you seen the Commander lately? Has he done his usual after-mission checkup on you and Ash?

1: No. Last I saw him, he was going into the showers after me.

(User 2 left)

1: Kaidan?

1: Kai?

(User 2 rejoins after thirty minutes)

1: Is Shepard okay?

2: He is now. Delayed panic attack. Don't say I told you. Okay?

1: Has he threatened you with Ashley?

2: No, he asked me not to let anyone except Chakwas know. He doesn't want anyone treating him as if he's a piece of china. Understood?

1: I understand, Kai. Where to now?

2: Citadel, then right to Noveria.

1: Can Shepard make a detour at the moment?

2: No, he can't. Try asking after Noveria.

2: Why do you need a detour?

1: I'll explain when I'm ready, Kai.

2: ... okay. We'll talk when you're ready.

* * *

**In my headcanon Kaidan is the team's field medic, hence would have knowledge if the Commander (or anyone else) needs meds. Also that the crew and squad would get a bit annoyed at all the side quests.**

**Question for my loyal readers (well two), since there has to be some out there, I know since I've been checking the stats.**

**1) Who should Shepard get with Liara or Ashley? (I'll put a poll up)**

**2) Should I do snippets on the aftermath of certain other missions? (e.g Cerberus base, Tali & Wrex's loyalty mission,) To help flesh this out a bit? **


	9. Cerberus

**This covers the rest of the Missing Marines arc. I've taken some liberties with how the Main cerberus base turned out, you'd think they'd have more advanced defenses. So basically heavily defended enough as an excuse to mobilize the whole squad.**

* * *

1: Hey, what happened to going straight to Noveria?

2: I don't know. Shepard was pretty vague.

2: I know he got a call off Admiral Kahoku as we left the Citadel. Something about a group called Cerberus. Checked with a cousin in Alliance Intel, but he can't get any dirt.

1: Hmm, I;m sure I heard that name somewhere. Hang on, I'll just check with Chellick.

1: Damn, even he can't get anything.

2: Joker just passed me some dirt, cost me some of my Canadian beer stash but it was worth it. Cerberus seems to be a rouge Alliance black-ops group. Apparently they only care about humans being better than the Alien counterparts.

1: So basically they are like the Terra Firma groups.

2: Not really they don't hate Aliens. They just think we ought to not be all snuggly with Aliens.

1: Well they'd hate you, you get quite snuggly with me. Even if you snore slightly.

2: And you tweet in your sleep.

1: No I don't!

2: Oh yes you do, it's quite soothing really, like falling asleep to bird song.

1: For the last time I do not tweet in my sleep!

2: I could get a recording and leave it up to the crew.

1: Kaidan, focus...

2: Garrus that's what I've been telling you the past few days, to focus... on anywhere BUT my ass.

1: Back to Cerberus. So what does Kahoku have to do with Cerberus?

2: They killed Kahoku's squad, they found Armistan Banes' body (the guy who was apparently blackmailing Dr Michel) And banes worked for Cerberus. Banes' death was sorta hinkey.

1: Cerberus trying to cover up?

2: I think so. Thing is Kahoku made it sound like it was his last message, said Cerberus were after him. Give Shepard co-ordinates to three bases on a planet.

1: Spirits. That'll explain why Shepard told Joker to get what he could out of the engines. (Tali is trying to tell Joker that she's giving him all she's got.)

**(Chat interrupted by ship broadcast, audio transcript)**

Shepard: Garrus, Alenko, suit up on the double!

Vakarian: Got it Commander.

Alenko: Aye,Aye Commander.

Vakarian: Looks like our first mission together,

* * *

**(Chat resumed 6 hours later)**

1: Shit. That went to hell...

2: Tell me about it. We didn't get there in time.

1: Seriously though, the fucked shit Cerberus gets up to, is just... why would they seriously be messing around with husks?

2: Don't forget the Creepers! Just as I feel like I can manage to eat salad, they turn up...

1: I still think those bug things were the worst. What the hell are they?

2: I know, they were scary. I can't believe Cerberus risked messing around with those things. For the record trying to breed your own clone bug army has never worked out in sci-fi movies or novels.

1: Hmm, yeah and we learned that from the Rachni. Can't wait to kick some Cerberus ass.

2: Me too. Same with Shepard. Apparently it's going to be all hands on deck for the assault.

1: I noticed, Ashley's prepping the heavy gear and some of the new toys... especially that very shiny sniper rifle... oh dibs on that

2: Garrus. Stop drooling over a sniper rifle.

1: Leave my baby alone!

2: Out of all the people I could have dated why did I chose the Turian obsessed with calibrations and sniper rifles?

1: Because when I do finally get around to calibrating you, it makes up for me neglecting you or not having seen you for a while.

2: I know that's why I haven't given into your sister's advances.

1: WHAT! SOLANA? She's been hitting on you? My little sister? That's just.. ugh... just wrong.

2: Don't worry you're the only Palaven Blue Turian I want.

2: Honest.

1: Thank you. Now excuse me I need to figure out how to tell my sister to back off without hinting that your mine...

1: Hang on...

2: What?

1: You said only Palaven Blue Turian... what about other Turians...

2: No harm in window shopping, helps me realise I've got the better Turian. And for once you clicked on.

1: Oh just get your asset down here. We'll be saying hello to the Cerberus base in an hour

2: Aye Aye Mr. Vakarian. Permission to ask a question?

1: Go ahead.

2: Should we send the crazy Krogan in first?

1: What's the human saying? HELLZ YEAH!

**(Chat Terminated)**

* * *

**(Chat resumed 5 hours later)**

1: Kaidan?

1: Hello?

1: Poke.

1: Poke.

1: Poke.

1: Am I in trouble?

2: A little bit. I've just had Ashley interrogating me over how we met. She made me promise to explain over tonight's game of poker.

1: I'm sure everyone will forget.

2: She made Shepard witness it and he's got a goddamn good memory. Plus he's curious as to how we know each other.

1: At least they just think we worked together to take down a Vorcha mafia. Not that we're doing the horizontal tango.

2: Horizontal tango... have you been talking with Joker again?

1: Yes.

2: Oh and when you say worked together, you mean that you kidnapped me then dragged me along on your investigation and totally messing up mine.

1: But near the end you were willingly following me.

2: Just to make sure you didn't die. That would look bad on my record.

1: Oh haha. But seriously one little slip up, just one and the others are on us like vultures...

2: Little? You said 'Hey Kaidan! This remind you of when we infiltrated Jurok's Warehouse and I tripped the alarm?' Not to mention that you yelled it down the comms and across the battle field.

1: I was caught up in the moment. And you replied. 'Yeah I was swearing my head off at you while trying not to get shot.'Just getting shot at by those Cerberus mechs brought back good memories. Me, a hotshot detective. You under cover as a maintenance guy.

2: You and me at each others throats. You kidnapping me, whacking me over the head, blowing my cover...

1: You're never going to forgive me for the kidnapping thing are you? It was a genuine accident, I thought you worked for Jurok.

2: I'm still going to hold it over your head.

1: Right, changing the topic. That was a fun mission. Cerberus operatives, mechs, crazy biotics. Why can we never have anything hard?

2: Now you've jinxed it, again.

1: Wrex seemed to be having fun.

2: Yeah... just watching him charge a big group with biotics and a shotgun, laughing like a mad man... I'm sorta scared to ge to the cargo bay now.

1: Well that's Wrex for you. Nice to see Tali and Liara can handle themselves. I think I work well with Liara.

2: Good, Shepard's planning on taking you and Liara to Noveria.

1: Okay.

2: A planet that has a level 2 cold hazard warning...

1: ...

2: Not to mention so much bureaucratic red tape, you'll drown.

1: I really hate Shepard now...

* * *

**I felt that eventually the boys would let slip that they are old 'friends'. Also I have no idea how long it takes for the Normandy to get around but both missions were in the same cluster, so I just went for a few hours.**

**Noveria will be next.**

**I also have a head canon for the next few missions before Virmire. They'll be:  
*The Toombs mission  
*Tali's Geth Data* Wrex's family armour  
* Garrus' mission (Dr. Saelon)**

**Then shore leave for the crew, then Virmire.**

**So any particular order people want to see? Either PM me or leave it in the review. The Liara or Ashley poll is still up and running.**


	10. Noveria

**(Chat set up between Normandy, Crew deck terminal and hard suit. Users Unknown)**

1: Please tell me why I haven't shot Shepard yet?

2: Because he's the first human Spectre and a lot of people would kill you if you killed him. Me included.

1: We are having to dance around bureaucratic bullshit! We are having to run back and forth! Why can we not just shoot the Administrator and get the garage pass?

1: No scratch that. No garage pass, I do not want to cope with Shepard's driving in blizzard conditions.

2: Oh be brave, my dear Turian. I'll be here waiting for you. On board the nice, cosy Normandy, where it's nice and warm, drinking hot chocolate.

1: When we finally get shore leave I'm dragging you back to mine and make you suffer.

2: But what if I like it?

1: Maybe you will, if you're okay with having to beg me to let you come. And I'm sure I'll be resistant to begging for a long time...

2: Two words: Biotic supremacy

1: And?

2: I'll be able to do a turnabout easily.

1: Question is, do you want to?

2: I'm not sure.

2: I'll leave you be now. Shepard will need you focused. Not sexting your lover.

1: Spoilsport.

**( Pause for an hour.)**

1: I just want you to know I love you very very much Kai.

2: About to head off in the Mako?

1: Yes. Just finished blowing up some Geth Benezia left in the garage.

2: Benzia's there? How's Liara coping?

1: On the outside, she's composed. But I can tell it's an act. Shepard trusts her though. We're off to Peak 15. Binary Helix. Apparently Saren's a major share holder and sent Benezia as his executive there. Oh and what else do we have here? Peak 15's gone dark.

2: Shit. Geth and more Geth?

1: Long as we don't come across more of those bugs things from the Cerberus bases.

**(Chat Terminated)**

* * *

**(Chat set up between Normandy and Hard suit. Warning: Signal weak. Message corrupted.)**

1: Me and my f%"*$)% b8g mou54 **(Data not salvageable)** bugs!

2: Garrus? What the hell is going on over there?

1: Ne$d to **(Data not salvageable)** J6$XI7NG missions!

**(Connection lost.)**

2:Shit.

* * *

**(Connection re-established. Hard suit now in range)**

2: Garrus, are you okay?

1: Fine now but..ow.. may need to curl up in med bay and get dosed up on Morphine

2: What the hell happened?

1: Those bugs? Turns out they were RACHNI!

2: I don't think Wrex will be happy to hear that.

1: Really? Shepard let the bloody Queen walk off scots free!

2: What? Garrus just give me a little back story.

1: Binary Helix found a Rachni egg. It was the Queen. They thought they could make an army and took the Queen's young from her before they could learn to 'sing', hence went crazy.

2: Then escaped and killed everyone?

1: Almost everyone, there were some survivors. But Shepard let the Queen go!

2: You can't really blame her for her children. It's like saying all Turians have sticks up their backsides. Or that women can't drive.

1: He still let a life form, that nearly destroyed the Citadel races, go. I just don't believe it's promise of teaching it's children peace.

2: If it was an egg then it had no knowledge of the Rachni war. So, it's innocent.

1: You sound like Liara and Shepard.

2: Well I doubt just anyone will happily commit Genocide.

1: It should have been left to the council!

2: The council? Remind me, but who hates the council and all their rules?

1: Me?

2: I rest my case.

2: Did you find Benezia?

1: Yes. She's dead.

2: Is Liara okay?

1: She says she is but...

2: I get the idea. Why did Saren want the Rachni for?

1: The Rachni were around when the Mu Relay went missing. Apparently the Conduit is in one of the systems that was lost when the Mu Relay was lost.

2: How can you lose a Mass Relay?

1: I have no idea.

2: The Council races did remember to check behind the sofa? That's where most things end up.

1: It'd have to be a very large sofa.

2: True. So the conduit is in one of the systems only accessible from the Mu relay.

1: Apparently so. Now I'm going to hurry back to the Normandy before I freeze my crest off. Could you please make me a dextro-hot choc?

2: Okay, I'll stash it in the Thermos in your cubby hole.

1: Thank you. Oh spirits why can't I ravish you tonight?

2: Two reasons.  
1)we're keeping the relationship secret  
2) There are no private and comfy places, excluding Shepard's cabin.

1: Drat and double drat. Is insanity from sexual frustration possible?

2: I think so. And don't worry it's driving me insane too.

1: Spirits, when you're away on duty, it's bearable. But having you one the same ship and we can't acknowledge each other more than friends...

2: Garrus, don't worry I'm sure Shepard will give us some shore leave.

1: He'd better or I'll end up dragging you into the showers or Mako at this rate.

2: Strange, I was just thinking the same.

* * *

**Next up will be Toombs' mission. And yes Garrus really needs to stop jinxing things, doesn't he? **

**Three important things:**

**Number 1) The next Chap, I will reveal who won the poll for Shepard's affection. Is it the lovely, intelligent Liara? Or the bad ass vixen that is Ashley?  
**

**Number 2) To answer CyanB, I will get around to the Vorcha Mafia story... eventually.  
**

**Number 3) I have now gone back to school. It's the second to last term and of course it's soon going to be exam season, so there may be times where this is not updated for ages.**

**Trishata96**


	11. Toombs

2: Is the pool still open?

1: Yeah why? Are you putting a bet down?

2: Maybe.

1: You do know if you have insider knowledge you ought to share as I haven't bet yet.

2: Shepard may have asked me how to deal with a love triangle without hurting one of the ladies feelings. Of course he made it clear this was 'hypothetical'.

1: Who?

2: I don't know but I'm willing to say that it's Ashley that Shepard is interested in.

1: No way. He sticks to the rules, including fraternization. It's gotta be Liara, no rule breaking.

2: The Doc's crush on him is somewhat creepy. She only seemed to be interested at first because of the Prothean Beacon data that was in his head.

1: And Ash seems the type to obey most rules.

2: It's Ashley ,okay. Just trust me on this.

1: Liara, I bet my detective status on it.

2: Really? Anything else, since you are so sure?

1: I am not betting my sniper rifle.

2: Okay the loser HAS to wear Phoenix armour.

1: What?

2: I'm sure you'll look good in pink.

1: I'm sure you'll suit it better.

2: Deal?

1: Deal!

2: Okay the CIC crew have waaay too much spare time on their hands.

1: Why?

2: Just look at this

_Other couples?_  
_A/N: Guys don't let any of the senior officers see this! Or Squad mates!_

_Chakwas/Adams: 3_  
_Chakwas/Anderson: 6_  
_Garrus/Wrex: 1_  
_Liara/Ashley:3_  
_Ashley/Kaiden:5_  
_Ashley/Wrex:8_

_Discussion:_

_J.J.M: Okay, who spelt Alenko's name wrong? Guys it's KaidAn not KaidEn. It pisses the guy off._

_A.C: Sorry that was me. How was I meant to know?_

_R.F: Addison, why Ash with Alenko? She's too busy checking out Shepard to pay attention._

_A.C: I swear they have a thing. When they are sorting out their weapons, they seem to flirt._

_H.J.G: No. Ash/Kaidan, Not gonna happen. It feels wrong, like Incest. They are way, way too much like brother and sister._

_R.D: Harvey has a point guys. I've heard Alenko describe Ashley like the little sister he never had._

_R.D: On a side note, how the hell would Ashley and Wrex be able to have a relationship? Can Krogans and humans even..._

_J.J.M: Yep. They can. Though Wrex would have to bottom. (Attachment sent)_

_H.M.L: JOKER! WTF? Why? God, I need to commit suicide._

_G.B: Can we report Joker for that?_

_H.J.G: Anyone got mind bleach?_

_A.C Better yet can we let Shepard know he has this stuff?_

_J.J.M: Tell Shep and I'll take you all down with me. Remember I can send him the other two betting pools we've got running._

_A.C: Damn it Joker!_

_G.B : **** YOU!_

_R.F: Son of a *****_

_R.D: Figoli di Puttana!_

_J.J.M: Hey my mother was of respectable repute!_

_A.P: Hey Guys can I put a bet down for Garrus/Kaidan?_

_R.D: What?_

_G.B: Seriously?_

_H.J.G: Pakti, WTF have you been smoking?_

_A.P: I'm being serious guys. I just think they are a little too friendly. It feels like it could be more than friends, eventually._

_R.F: Whoa. Okay we know Lieutenant Elvis swings both ways, but I don't think he's into Turians, maybe Asari, but not Turians.  
_

_A.P: Oh shut up and take my money! If I'm right I'm gonna be very rich._

1: Pakti is going to be very rich.

2: True... hang on Shepard wants to talk.

2: Guess what we've been sent another assignment from Hackett.

1: Ugh, not another side quest!

2: Don't let Shepard hear you say that.

1: Why?

2: It's sorta personal for him.

1: What do you mean?

2: The scientists. Apparently they may have had something to do with Cerberus and something to do with Akuze.

1: ...holy shit... okay I take that back.

2: And we'll be going with him.

1: Do you think he'll be okay?

2: Well Chakwas has told me I have full permission to sedate him if necessary... in the eventuality things do not go so well...

1: Yikes. Let's hope it doesn't come to that

2: I'm sure things will be peachy.

1: Yeah right, next thing we know... no I am not gonna say it.

2: Say what?

1: I am not Jinxing another mission.

2: Good for us. Better suit up, Joker will be dropping us in 20 minutes.

* * *

2: Andrastae's flaming knickers...

1: Not what I'd say but... yeah... Cerberus are fucked up bastards.

2: Agreed. Poor Toombs. What Cerberus did to him... I hate to say this but I expected Shepard to shoot the guy.

1: Me too. I'm surprised he talked Toombs out of it.

2: I suppose you can understand his reasoning, without the scientist we have no evidence. Toombs' testimony can be thrown out easily too.

1: But he'll get immunity.

2: I believe Shepard made the scientist think he was getting immunity. He did say to Toombs, 'I'm sure it'll get lost in translation or forgotten'.

1: Clever. Remind me not to annoy him. Though is Shepard okay?

2: I was going to check up on him but... well, Ashley beat me to it. I checked with her afterwards and Ash says he's fine. I think Ashley can relate better to losing her squad.

1: Good point.

**(Message sent to both Users)**

_J.J.M: Hey guys, I am pleased to announce we that Shepard has picked a lady. Chakwas has informed me that Shepard just had a chat with Liara, politely informing her that she is a good friend, nothing more to him. Our resident Gunnery Chief and our lovely Commander have hooked up after a nice bonding and heart-to-heart moment. The winners of the pool are:_  
_Caroline_  
_Orden_  
_Rosaland_  
_Talitha_  
_Harvey_  
_Pakti_  
_And... Kaidan?_

_Whoa wait. Kaidan, how the hell did you find this? Erm.. oh God he's going to kill me... Please do not say anything to Shepard or Ashley. I beg you._

1: Oh shit...

2: Garrus.

1: Yes.

2: You'd better shine up that Phoenix armour.

1: I hate you so much...

2: :P

* * *

**Yes. Ashley won the poll. In the end, Liara and Ashley were even, so it had to be settled with a coin flip. I hate to say this but, Ash won. (_Pleasedon'tkillme)_**

**As for the pool about couples, well I just thought the Crew had to be like gossiping midwives, especially with the love triangles happening. It can sure turn out profitable. Ahh and who doesn't hate Phoenix armour?**

**Anyway one last thing:*Does anyone want the crew to start watching these two like Hawks now someone has suggested them as a couple?  
**

**Next up will be Tali's Geth Data**


	12. Tali's Pilgrimage & Wrex's family armour

**I decided to merge both Wrex's and Tali's loyalty missions since they'd both be short and mainly irrelevant banter between Kai and Garrus  
**

* * *

1: Lovely, we're off to blast Geth to oblivion, just what I need.

2: Don't forget to wear your lovely Phoenix armour.

1: No way in hell.

2: That was the deal, Garrus. At least I'd man up and wear it.

1: I'm going to be fighting Geth. I'd need decent armour.

2: I checked the specs. It's actually got better shields and armour than your current armour. Tech/Biotic protection is lacking but it'll protect you.

1: I am a sniper, Kaidan. We are stealthy. Bright white and PINK armour is not stealthy.

2: Okay go and suit up in your usual gear then and have fun with Shepard and Tali.

1: Thank you.

1: Kaidan...

2: Yeees?

1: Care to tell me why my normal armour has been replaced with the Phoenix armour...

2: I don't know...

1: You are evil...

2: You'd better suit up.

1: You have ruined my reputation.

2: I can hear that. Shepard and Tali are howling with laughter along with Wrex and Ash.

1: You can hear them from the crew deck?

2: No, I hacked into the camera feed for the cargo bay. Damn the pink shows off your waist.

1: I will make you pay for this... You will suffer for this...

2: Have fun with the Geth. And just think you've got to wear that lovely suit for the next three missions!

1: No more Mr. Nice Turian.

**(Chat resume 1.5 hours later)**

1: Kaidan... Who took a picture of me wearing the armour and posted it on the extranet on Massbook?

2: I can't take credit for that one. That was Joker... Yikes that's a lot of likes.

1: Good thing I found some Phoenix Armour for a human male.

2: Nice try, I've hidden my armour somewhere safe, where you can't find it.

1: Grrr...

**(Chat resumed 1.5 hours later)**

1: One more base...If I have to ride in that blasted Mako again I will kill myself.

2: Oh but then you can't take your revenge.

1: Stop confusing me!

**(Chat resumed 3 hours later)**

2: Vakarian...

1: Yes Kaidan? 0:)

2: May I ask how you found my hidey hole?

1: I have nooo idea what you are talking about. Why? Heading out with Tali and Shepard to take out the real Geth Base?

2: Yes. And somehow my nice, Titan armour has been replaced... with a pink monstrosity...

1: But surely Phoenix armour has better shields and armour rating than your current armour.

2: How did you find it?

1: I didn't. I just handed the armour to Ashley.

1: And I may have told her the reason why I was wearing Phoenix armour in the first place.

2: You told her?!

1: Yes. She said something about teaching you a lesson, but not me as I've already suffered.

2: You never play by the rules.

1: You ought to know me by now, we have been seeing each other for nearly 9 months.

2: I ought to shove a biotic warp up your backside.

1: Didn't you say earlier that you'd man up and just wear it?

2: ...shit.

1: I believe the saying is: 'Open mouth, insert foot.'

2: I am so getting payback for this. Mark my words.

1: Of course and the day that happens Shepard will be able to dance properly.

**(User 2 left)**

1: Oh sweet, sweet revenge...

**( 2 hours later)**

1: Kaidan...

2: Yes?

1: Where's my sniper rifle? The Volkov IX.

2: I'm not sure. I'm not in charge of keeping the weapons clean.

1: Who is... Ashley...

2: I think she was lying when she said you'd been punished enough.

1: I just found my sniper rifle...

1: She's painted it neon pink... She painted my baby pink.

**(Pause of ten minutes)**

1: You wetting yourself with laughter aren't you?

2: What do you think? Everyone else is. Ash showed them all a picture of her paint job.

1: I'm gonna curl up in to the Mako and cry now... Someone else can fetch the Geth parts from underneath the Mako.

**(Pause of 30 minutes)**

1: Wow... Tali's really happy.

2: How so? (Other than not having to sort out the Mako and not being in that death trap)

1: I mean, she has a happy bounce in her steps and she just nearly decked Shepard with a hug.

2: I hope Ashley doesn't find out...

1: You mentioned that you found a cache of Geth Data?

2: Yeah.

1: Shepard just gave Tali a copy of it. So she can complete her pilgrimage.

2: Off the record?

1: Yep. The brass don't know.

2: Okay.

1: Just Okay? Aren't you Mr By-The-Book?

2: It's called I know when to throw the rule book out of the airlock. Plus if it helps Tali's people against the Geth, that's good for everyone.

1: Alright. Though you rarely do so.

2: Have you asked Shepard about the detour you wanted to make?

1: Detour?

2: Before Noveria, you asked if Shepard could make a detour.

1: Oh that... Not yet. If you see him, send him my way. Just say I need to ask him if Williams can be punished for what she did to my baby...

2: Once again I question myself as to why I chose the Turian obsessed with calibrations and sniper rifles.

2: Are you going to tell me what the detour is for?

1: Kaidan, I said I'd tell you when I was ready.

2: Alright, just checking.

1: Sorry. Just a little tired and frustrated from trying to get Ashley to restore my baby...

* * *

**(Next Log, 2 days later)**

1: Well, Wrex and Ashley look happy. Who would have thought those tow would become as thick as thieves? Brutally murdering mercs to get Wrex's family armour back.

2: I know. It's sorta scary. Wrex seems to think of her as a little sister.

1: Really?

2: Yep including being protective of her.

1: What?

2: He gave Shepard 'the' talk.

1: What talk?

2: The talk, where a close friend or brother/sister makes it clear to their friend/family member's partner/boyfriend/girlfriend that if they hurt them or break their hearts then they will be castrated/head cut off, brutally murdered... (delete where applicable)

1: Ohh... that talk.

2: Ash was quite flattered, from what I hear.

1: I'll have to ask Joker for video. First I need to fix the Mako... AGAIN!

**(Pause of 30 minutes.)**

2: Garrus. We need to talk.

1: Why?

2: Dr. Saelon.

1: How did you know?

2: Shepard asked me what I knew of the investigation, since me and you are 'friends'.

1: Kaidan, I can explain.

2: Garrus, please tell me you are not going to murder him.

1: It's not murder. I'll be taking him back to the Citadel.

2: You are lying.

1: I'm not.

2: You've pulled that taking them back to the Citadel/C-Sec bullshit before. Your suspects were shot 'trying to escape custody'.

1: I... Okay. I was lying.

2: I thought I'd explained to you why you shouldn't dwell on it.

1: can not get away with what he's done, Kai!

2: You can not play judge, jury and executioner, Garrus.

1: C-Sec should have let me have his ship shot down!

2: You would have hurt innocents. The ship was too close to the arms, the debris would have killed by-standers. You have to let some get away, Garrus. It's life. It's not black and white.

1: Which isn't fair.

2: Life is not fair Garrus. I know this very well of all people. You keep going like this then you'll end up as the BAD GUY!

1: ...I will never become one of them. You should know me better.

**(Chat terminated by User 1)**

2: Damn it Garrus!

* * *

**So yeah, the first argument between Kaidan and Garrus that we've seen. I can see Kaidan not being happy about Garrus pursuing revenge. Kaidan obviously trying to keep Garrus from going down 'that' path.**

**Dr. Saelon: I'm not sure how to take this chap. Should I have either Garrus writing an apology letter to Kaidan? Or Shep talking to Garrus, then Garrus apologising to Kaidan? - Obviously this one will be audio transcript**

**Virmire: Will be split into two chapters. (Already have two plots in my head, just deciding which one to follow though on, both do contain angst, and lots of it.)**

**Trishata96**


	13. Dr Saelon

**The weekend and I _ought_ to be learning words from the massive french booklet my teacher gave me to pass my listening exam in a few weeks time.  
What do I do? I write in my pad this chapter, which consumes my time  
Well, nice to know I've got my priorities right and that I ****_really_**** want to get top marks in my french exams.**

**I regret nothing. Nothing at all... I hate french anyway...**

**Warning: Implied smexy times**

* * *

**(Audio Transcript. Location: Cargo Bay. Between Commander John Shepard and Garrus Vakarian.)**

JS: Garrus.

GV: Commander.

JS: I think we need to have a little chat about Dr Saelon

GV: I'd rather not.

JS: I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist.

GV: Saelon died anyway. What would be the point?

JS: Garrus you can't predict how people react 100% of the time. You can control how you'll respond though.

GV: And what is that supposed to mean?

JS: What it means is that you need to learn self-control. You need to think your decisions though. And think of the consequences. I mean what if there was a hostage situation? What would you do? Go in guns blazing and risk killing hostages or let the bad guys go and catch them another day?

GV: But if you let them go then they'll start to think they can get away with it!

JS: You can't catch them all, Garrus! I know. Trust me. Sometimes the bad guys win.

GV: **(Snorts)** As if.

JS: Vakarian! It's life. Sometimes you are put into a position, where a victory compromises your morals and what you stand for. That is not a true victory.

GV: But that just means they know how to defeat you, constantly.

JS: Garrus, you break your morals then you start going down a path and at the end you turn into-

GV: The bad guy. I've already had this off Kaidan after Saelon got away. Which is a load of bullshit.

JS:It isn't Garrus. I've let bad guys win, since defeating them would mean my morals would have been broken.

GV: I doubt that from Commander Shepard.

JS: Well, sorry to nip the hero-worship in the bud but I have let a terrorist go to save lives.

GV: Shep-

JS: Vakarian... His name was Balak. He was attempting to crash an asteroid into Terra Nova. Eventually I came face to face with him. I had a dilemma. I could kill him but he'd put a bomb in with the hostages, the time it would have taken to defeat him, the bomb would have detonated and killed those innocents. Innocents who had families back on Terra Nova. If I'd chosen to Kill Balak then I would have been no better than him.**  
(Sigh)**  
What I am trying to say is that if you become ruthless in hunting down what you hate the most, then you start becoming what you hunt. I knew someone. She was the only one who survived a Batarian attack on her home colony, Mindoir, the only one who didn't end up as a slave. She was 14 at the time. When she was 18, she joined the Alliance, determined to stop another Mindoir happening. She was part of the raid on Torfan.  
That day she became known as the Butcher of Torfan, she showed no mercy to those who had surrendered, got some of her men killed. She acted like a Batarian would have.

GV: What happened to her?

JS: One night she called me, drunk. Said how she was a disappointment to her family, that she's become a monster, just like the men who'd butchered her family. Told me she was thankful for all my support and that she loved me.  
**(Pause)**  
The next day they found her in her apartment... with a bullet though her brain...

GV: I...I'm sorry Shepard. Is that why you spared that scientist?

JS: Yeah. Jane wouldn't have wanted me to go down the same path. Neither would our parents.

GV: She...She was your sister?

JS: Yeah, Jane was my little sister. Our parents divorced when we were young. Dad got Jane, Mum got me. We did see each other time to time. I'd stay with her and Dad. She'd come and stay with me and Mom. After Mindoir she went by our Dad's surname, Smith. I kept my Mum's maiden name. I helped her after Mindoir, she helped me after Akuze, I tried to help her after Torfan.  
**(Pause of 15 seconds. Sigh.) **  
What I am trying to say Garrus, is that you only realise how far a paragon or hero can fall when it happens to yourself or someone you know and care for becomes someone you don't.

GV: I...I see what you mean now Shepard. You're right. I'm... I'm sorry for snapping at you. I guess I do see in black and white.

JS: Don't apologise to me. I understand perfectly what you're going though. But you might want to apologise to Kaidan. He seemed somewhat angry when he found out about your intentions with Dr Saelon

GV: I... suppose so. He hasn't said a word to me ever since we ha an ...erm... 'discussion' about it.

JS: I noticed, Just remember he was trying to help you. He doesn't want to see you become somebody he doesn't know. Kaidan's a good and valuable friend, keep it that way.

GV: Of course. I'll ask him to come down then.

**(Chat resumed) **

1: Kaidan.

1: Kai?

1: Kai, can you please come and see me?

1: Please?

GV: He's... erm... not responding. That's a problem with Kaidan. He can be so damn stubborn at times.

JS: Really?

GV: Yeah, he sometimes doesn't let things go and takes a while to get things though his thick skull... or maybe it's the hair. **(Chuckles) **

JS: Yeah Kaidan does have a unique hairstyle.

GV: Meh. It suits him better than shaving all the fur off his head like a grunt... eer... no offense Commander.  
**( Shepard gives Garrus a weird look) **

JS: ... None taken. I'll go and see Kaidan. If necessary, I'll order him down here.

GV: Thanks Shepard. And Thank you for telling me about your sister. I ca imagine it's difficult to talk about.

JS: I only really tell good friends.

* * *

**( Audio Transcript. 5 minutes later. Between Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko and Garrus Vakarian.) **

KA: Vakarian. Shepard says you wanted to talk to me.

GV: Kai. I need to apologise for the whole Saelon debacle. You... you were right. I shouldn't have been letting it get to me.

KA: What caused your stubbornness to be cured?

GV: Shepard told me a story, made me realise the point you were trying to get across. I guess I was just so annoyed that Saelon had escaped from my grasp, then when I saw what had happened to the people he took, it angered me, knowing I could have spared them.

KA: Garrus, if we beat ourselves up for every time we couldn't get there in time or couldn't save someone then we wouldn't be able to catch the bad guys. Nobody's perfect and nothing is black and white.

GV: I suppose I'm still one of those idealistic thinkers. Maybe that's why Wrex thinks I'm like a child, why my father places so much value on the rules, like you do, I know how much you value self-control.

KA: Helps us stay on the right path. You just need to know when to break the rules.

GV: Yeah.. I'm sorry Kai, but you can be just as stubborn as me at times.

KA: Holding things over your head is not being stubborn, Garrus.

GV: Oh yes it is.

KA: Careful. I may get offended again.

GV: I'm sure you're feelings can take it, but you are are one hell of a stubborn son of a Varren at times.

KA: That's it. I'm offended, goodby-WHAT THE? Garrus! What are you doing?

GV: I haven't finished with my apology yet, Kaidan.

KA: We're in the cargo bay! Anyone can walk in on us!

GV: Good thing everyone is either asleep or eating upstairs.

KA: **(Gasp) **Oh no. No,no,no. Don't you dare!

GV: And we have the Mako, And yes, I dare. **(Chuckles) **

KA: Ah! No, not there. Not there, Garrus! **(Gasp) **I-I can't think s-straight when you do-THAT!

GV: Which is why I love doing that with my tongue. **(Whispers) **I love it when you lose control and go all weak- kneed.

KA: **(Moan) **Garrus, stop. Please stop. We'll get caught.

GV **(Still whispering) **You told me yourself, you're sexually frustrated, and you're excited that we could get caught. Deep down, you love this.

KA: I hate it when you're right. **(Moan) **

GV: **(Chuckles) **I know you do. So care to get in the Mako before I ravish you right here in the open, Marine?

KA: You can't order me Vakarian. By all rights I should be ordering you abo-OW!

GV: Are you being insubordinate?

KA: Maybe.

GV: I should punish you then. In the Mako now.

KA: Careful. I may like being punished.

GV: **(Growls) **Mako. Now!

* * *

Discussion

J.J.M: Right poll has been edited to remove Ash. The money lost has been put into the pot. Those who lost have bet again.

Here's the new version:

_Chakwas/Adams: 5  
Chakwas/Anderson: 8  
Garrus/Wrex: 4  
Kaidan/Garrus: 3  
Kaidan/Liara: 5_

A.P: Who else bet on Kaidan/Garrus?

O.F: Not me.

R.F: Nope

R.D: Wasn't me

H.J.G: Not me. Cos I don't smoke stuff Pakti.

A.C: Actually I think Pakti's right about Alenko and Garrus. So I'll confess to voting.

G.B: I swear if one of them or Shep found this thread, The Normandy would require new crew.

R.D: Sorry but how does... No I am not asking. There is no mind bleach left after last time...

J.J.M: Shouldn't have typed that then. **(Attachment sent)**

H.J.G: Oh for ****'* sake!

H.M.L That's it! I'm murdering him! Best pilot in the fleet be damned!

G.B We'll cover for you!

J.S: Everyone behave please.

G.B Who's JS?

J.J.M: Oh ****... We are ******!

R.D: Why?

J.J.M: JS. John Shepard.

J.S: Yes. And Mr. Moreau's right. You are ******.

* * *

**Sheesh. Shepard talks a lot oops... I felt Garrus was a little too accepting of what Shepard said just after Saelon blasts his head off in-game, some more animosity between Shep and Garrus over it would have been better.  
**

**On the other hand Kaidan gets a nice 'apology' off Garrus. You can use your imagination as to what Garrus is doing with his tongue. Joker's still a troll (surprise, surprise) but now he's getting taken down a peg by Shepard, who knows perfectly well what the crew have been up to...**

**Question is: Who else voted for Kaidan/Garrus? We have Pakti and A.C, so who's the third person?**

**Shore leave, then (over dramatic foreboding noise) VIRMIRE!**

**Trishata96**


	14. Shore Leave

**French Revision: Come on. You need to learn all my words if you want to get a decent grade in your french exams**

**Me: Sorry, too busy writing.**

**French Revision: You said that last week and the week before that...**

**Me: And I'm saying it again. Now shoo, I'm writing a touching scene between Garrus and Kaidan with lots and lots of fluff.**

**French Revision: Why doesn't anyone love me?! (Cries)**

**Me: Now where was I...**

**I hope my French teacher doesn't make me explain why I haven't opened that revision booklet yet. I doubt 'I was writing a slash fanfic about my fav RPG game' is a good excuse.  
**

* * *

**(Chat resumed)**

1: Well the Mako's cleaned and smelling fresh. Manage to get your shower?

2: Yeah, I managed to get one alone and avoid Wrex. You better have one yourself. Don't want Wrex to realise you smell of me.

1: I will, just helping Ash clean the guns. Oh and apparently Shepard found Joker's 'other couples' pool.

2: Uh-oh. Do we need a new pilot?

1: He's alive. But the majority of the crew and Joker will need new pants.

2: That would explain the smell on the CIC. How much trouble are they in?

1: Oh Shepard was just scaring them for a laugh. He's letting the pool continue, apparently he has a few credits in the pot.

2: That sounds like him. Oh and good news! We've got shore leave.

1: Shore leave? Bloody great timing, I could have waited instead of ravishing you in the Mako.

2: Hey I'm not complaining. I definitely need a drink after all this.

1: Yeah, plant zombies, Rachni, Thresher maws. A good few drinks at Flux seems to be a decent cure.

2: And maybe something else at your apartment afterwards would help too...

1: Eager are we for round 2?

2: You did go easy last night.

1: Okay, next time I'll **** you so hard, you can't walk properly and you can explain why to Shepard.

2: Thanks I'll remember that for next time.

1: So Flux, then?

2: Sure, though the entire crew is going to be there.

1: Crew night out?

2: Makes sense Shepard can keep an eye on everyone, stop them getting hauled off by C-Sec, etc, etc.

1: So the whole crew will be there...

2: Do not even think about harassing me.

1: I was just thinking as to how we'll slip away.

2: I'll leave first, claim I've got a migraine and meet you at your place.

1: You've already thought this though. What about getting back to the Normandy? You go early and I'll arrive late?

2: Yep.

1: Once again how far ahead you think,scares me.

2: Thank you. Ash says the majority of the crew are heading to Flux at 2000 hours.

1: That's an hour after the Normandy docks with the Citadel.

2: Oh and Ash asks if you can escort Tali into the club. You know, because she's a Quarian.

1: Can't you do it?

2: What have you done?

1: Tali and I had a discussion about the Geth. The last sentence was 'I have a Shotgun'.

2: What did you say?

1: Why do you presume it's my fault?

2: Whose fault is it?

1: er...mine...

2: I rest my case.

1: I may have implied the Quarians had it coming a bit too harshly.

2: Garrus. Apologise to Tali. Give her a peace offering.

1: Okay. I'll see if I can scrounge up a decent omni-tool, shotgun or weapon mod.

2: Jules, the requisitions guy, has a Nexus mark VIII in stock. She prefers that manufacturer.

1: Thanks Kai, X

2: Well I don't want Tali blasting the 'supportive waist' with her shotgun.

1: Right one pacified Quarian, ready yo be escorted to Flux.

2: Good boy.

1: Kaidan. We may want to figure out an excuse as to why you won't be on the Normandy, sleeping off your migraine.

2: My migraine got worse and I couldn't get to the Normandy myself. You found me and I ended up crashing at your place.

1: Sheesh. Were you the kid who always had a flawless excuse as to why you forgot your homework?

2: Let me guess you were the baby Turian who always said the Varren ate it?

1: Actually I did use that excuse.

2: Why am I not surprised?

1: Anyway I look forward to tomorrow night.

2: So do I. I look forward to demonstrating some biotic supremacy.

1: Okay is this nice and submissive Kaidan or evil Kaidan?

2: Take a guess, Blasto.

1: Great, evil Kaidan

2: Sorry Vakarian but it turns out you are classed as a civilian crew member and that means that I can order you about.

1: Seriously?

2: Yeah, so expect Ash to be ordering you to fetch her drinks.

1: I hate both of you.

2: So Vakarian this means I won't take any insubordinate behavior.

1: Oh spirits help me. Why can't I have the submissive Kaidan?

2: It is called revenge for being so forceful and nearly getting us caught.

1: Oh blast and damnation.

* * *

**(Audio transcript Location Flux. Between Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko, Ashley Williams and John Shepard.)  
**

AW: Garrus, fetch a round will you?

GV: Why can't you ask Shepard or Alenko?

AW: Because you're the only one I can order about, So Full Biotic Kick for Kaidan, Tasty Tankard for Skipper and another Quad Kicker for me please.

**(GV leaves)**

JS: You two are cruel,making Garrus believe he is meant to follow your orders. You are both bad, bad people.

KA: What Garrus is fun to manipulate. I don't see you stopping us anyway.

JS: Okay, it's fun to watch. When will you tell him?

AW: Hmmm, eventually.

KA: Maye after Ash has worked him to death... maybe

JS: I'm not saving either of you when he finds out... Tali, you okay?

TZ: YEAH! I am fine Sheepard... Hey Kai, Hey Ash!. **(HIC) **Wrex told me I couldn't stomach two Quad kickers... **(HIC) **Guess what?

JS: You drank two Quad Kickers?

TZ: Hell yeah! Cause I'm tough Baby! **(HIC and giggles)**

KA: Dear lord, someone's going to have a hangover.

TZ: Really? Well **(HIC) **I don't care. I proved that silly, old Krogan wrong. Me. A small, teeny Quarian beat a Krogan! **(HIC)**

AW: How did you even drink those? Won't they make you sick?

TZ: I triple filtered the drink and put it though this Emergency induction port.

**( Silence for 5 seconds.) **

AW: You mean a straw?

TZ: Emeergency Induction port, Asshleey. It's actually getting harder to put it in the hole...

LT: Oh Tali there you are... sorry Shepard. I tried to discourage her.

JS: It's not your fault Liara. Are you okay, your somewhat a little unsteady?

LT: I believe I'm somewhat... tipsy. Dr Chakwas and I are heading back to the Normandy. You want to come Tali?

TZ: I'm fine. **(HIC) **I can walk in a straight line.

KA: Hey Tali, what about you go with Liara and Dr Chakwas. The Doc has a secret stash of drink and perhaps you three can just relax in the medbay, have a girly chat...

TZ: Really? You know what. I'll come Liara and we can just talk like normal girls. Have you ever seen Fleet and The Flotilla?

LT: Oh I've always wanted to see that!

TZ: I'll break out my copy when we get on board then. Ash, you wanna come?

AW: Sorry Tali, I'm cutting down on the booze, that and I'm gonna make sure Skipper does those reports.

TZ: Okay byeee **(HIC)**

**( LT and TZ leave) ****  
**

AW: Are there hangover cures for Quarians? Cause I think Tali's gonna need one.

KA: I have no idea. So helping the Commander with his reports eh As- OW!

GV: Here we go. I guess little Tali had too much to drink? You okay Kaidan?

KA: I'm fine. **(Whispers to self) **Ow, my shin.

JS: Yes, she'll regret doing so in the morning.

AW: So anyone seen Joker? I need to kill him.

JS: Why?

AW: Over that pool thing.

JS:The one about me?

AW: No the other couples one. People were seriously thinking I'd have sex with Garrus or Wrex! Worse of all Kaidan too. No offense Kaidan but you are too much like my big brother for me to even consider...

KA: Ash, untwist your panties and calm down.

AW: Careful, I haven't forgotten you were involved in the Shepard pool.

JS: Ash I think having to wear Phoenix armour was enough for him.

AW: Aw, but it's fun to tease him. So Vakarian how's your sniper rifle?

GV: Better now it's not neon pink...

AW: That's what you get for snitching on Kaidan.

GV: Back stabber.

AW: Aww, poor tweetie pie.

JS: Kids behave please. I swear sometimes it's like the Normandy's a daycare cen... you okay Kaidan?

KA: Yeah just a headache.

JS: You sure?

KA: No, I think it's a Migraine coming on... Best head back to the Normandy.

AW: All right see you later Kaidan.

JS: Take it easy Alenko.

KA: Will do Commander.

GV: Try to avoid falling into the Presidium lake again...

AW: Presidium lake? Okay this I have to hear.

KA: I still maintain that you pushed me in Vakarian.

GV: No witnesses, Alenko, No proof.

* * *

**(Audio Transcript. Location Garrus Vakarian's apartment. Time: 06:45) **

**(Alarm rings) **

KA: Hmm... oh shut up. **(Turns off alarm) **Garrus? Come on sleepy head, time to get up.

GV: **(Chirps slightly) **Five more minutes Kai.

KA:Garrus... come on, it's the morning. We'll miss the Normandy.

GV: **(Snores/Tweets) **

KA: **(Sighs) **You asked for it. **(Pushes GV off the bed)****  
**

**(Thump) **

GV: OW! What was that for?

KA: You wouldn't wake up.

GV: So you humans push your mates out of the bed, so rude. There are better ways to wake me up.

KA: And those ways get you and I distracted way too easily. So are you going to get up or go to sleep on the floor?

GV: Oh you little... **(Growls, followed by rustling of sheets) **

KA: **(Laughs) **Too slow... Garrus, you okay?

GV: I... did I give you that bite mark?

KA: No it was Chellick. Garrus, who else would it be?

GV: I got a little carried away, didn't I?

KA: It'll be fine, some medi-gel and it'll be as good as new.

GV: Step two, commence.

KA: Huh? Step tw- GARRUS!

GV: Gotcha! Step one: distract Kaidan, step two:pounce on him, step three: Profit!

KA: **(Laughs) **Oh haha, Vakarian. Now can I have a shower, because I don't think turning up at the Normandy smelling of you is a great idea?

GV: I'm not sure, we are even from last night. Round 3?

KA: Garrus. The Normandy leaves in an hour. Plus you know I'd win.

GV: Fine, have your shower... in fact...

KA: Oh no. You stay in here, actually you can clean up.

**(Shower starts) ****  
**

GV: Hey technically the mess is yours, you and your biotics.

KA: But I was using them to deal with an insubordinate Turian, ergo your fault for the mess.

GV: Fine, I'll clean up. Oh and your hair-gel is next to your toothpaste.

KA: Thanks.

GV: So where are we off to next? We have run out of leads.

KA: Virmire. Apparently a STG team tracked Saren down there but they lost contact with the council. Shepard felt everyone deserved a break first.

GV: Virmire? Hmm. Hopefully we'll find Saren there. Can't wait to catch him.

**(Shower shuts off) **

KA: I'm sure we will. He's running out of places to hide.

GV: Hmm... **(****Whispers to self) **Nice, soft bed.. **(Soft chirp) **

KA: Well I'm sorte-... Garrus get out of the bed, I know it's comfy...

GV: So warm and cosy though...

KA: **(Sigh) **Fine, but do remember to get sorted and come to the Normandy. Don't want to leave my favorite Turian behind.

GV: I will...

KA: Watashi wa anata o aishite, Garrus.

GV: I love you too, Kai.

* * *

**So Virmire next, well the first part of it. I have decided on the ending for Virmire and the fate of Kaidan and Ashley.  
**

**What Kaidan says to Garrus is Japanese for I love you, provided by Google translate so it's a rough translation. As for Garrus tweeting and chirps, Turians are avian based so my head canon is that they tweet and that in their sleep. Right see you guys next week.**

**Special Thanks to CyanB for the constant and encouraging reviews and some ideas.**

**Trishata96**


	15. Virmire Part 1

**Sorry for the delay, I usually get this uploaded on every weekend, but I was in wales, on a caravan park and completely no internet connection, then my muse got annoyed at me and this ended up going though several rewrites... Apologies. Anyway my muse made me split this up into three parts.  
**

**Part 1: Le fluffy temps!**

* * *

**(Chat Resumed) **

1: That was close.

2: Well we wouldn't have nearly left you behind, if somebody moved his butt in the morning and didn't go back to sleep when I left...

1: Okay, you were right.

2: Just steer away from the med- bay

1: Why?

2: Chakwas, Liara and Tali are still sleeping last night off. They are completely out of it. Had to go in to get my meds and turn off the film that was still on.

1: Noted, stay away from those three in case they have hangovers.

2: Though I realised something. The theme tune off 'Fleet and The Flotilla' is the same as the song on your visor.

1: Erm...

2: Busted. I wonder what Tali's reaction will be when I tell her?

1: Careful I know where your armour is and the Phoenix armour.

2: Just pulling your leg. Shepard says we'll reach Virmire tomorrow. He's also going down to lecture you on your tardiness.

1: Lovely, here he is...

**(10 Minutes later) **

2: Ahh that's where Ashley got to...

1: Why? Where was she?

2: Chief Williams just came out of Shepard's cabin, thinking the coast was clear.

1: Oh. So we weren't the only ones blowing off steam last night.

2: Ashley insists that they were 'writing reports and discussing weapon mods', then they both fell asleep.

1: So that's what they call it these days. Who saw her?

2: Just me and let's say she is capable of colourful and imaginative threats.

1: Like?

2: "Alenko if you value the ability to have children and enjoy cold showers then you will keep your mouth shut and refrain from any smart comments." She also threatened to shave my head.

1: Then keep your mouth shut, I value those two things very highly.

2: So do I.

1: Could you give me a hand with the Mako? Shepard wants it as good as new by the time we get to Virmire.

2: Sure, I'll bring Tali along too, three techies is better than one calibrating obsessed Turian.

1: I swear one day Shepard will end up destroying this. Absolutely wreck it then we'll have to get a new one.

2: Garrus.

1: Aw, Shit. I just jinxed it, didn't I?

2: Next time keep your mandibles shut.

1: I Know.

* * *

**(Chat log, One day later.) **

2: Well Shepard's having fun.

1: I don't think Tali and Wrex would agree.

2: What isn't there to love? Sun, sea, sand, Geth, explosions...

1: Shepard's driving.

2: I think Wrex enjoys it though.

1: Wrex is an insane Krogan.

2: Good Point.

2: Hang on, The Salarians are annoyed over something.

2: Lovely, we're stuck here. Pinned down by AA towers.

1: Oh fun.

**(15 Minute pause) **

2: Garrus meet me in the Normandy Cargo bay.

* * *

**(Audio Transcript, Normandy cargo bay. Garrus Vakarian and Kaidan Alenko.) **

GV: Hey there you are.

KA: Hey.

GV: Well that got a little dicey before.

KA: Always is with an angry Krogan.

GV: Do you think Ashley would have shot Wrex?

KA: It's her job to keep her CO safe, if things got out of hand then she'd be well within her right to eliminate the threat.

GV: **(Whistles) **Remind me not to get on her bad side.

KA: Will do.

**(10 second pause) **

GV: Kai, what's wrong? You're fidgeting with your Omni-tool, you only ever do that if you're really worried.

KA: Do you think we'll make it?

GV: Come again.

KA. Do you think we'll make it though this? Ashley, Shepard, Liara, Wrex, Tali, me...you.

GV: Of course. Nothing's gone terribly wrong.

KA: That's what bothering me. Everything has gone off without a hitch. It's all too easy...

GV: Kai, don't speak like that.

KA: Come on Garrus. You're thinking the same thing. Everyone is, even Shepard.

GV: Nothing is going to go wrong. Ashley will be able to get her team though, she has all the makings of a great leader.

KA: Garrus. Something just feels like it'll go wrong. It's so near the end. Nothing goes this smoothly for so long.

GV: Kaidan, please stop. Just stop. You're over thinking. We'll make it though, all of us. Me and you will be there to make Saren pay. So stop thinking about it, all right?  
**(Pause of 15 seconds)**  
Kaidan, do you understand?

KA: Yeah, I do Garrus. I'm... just scared that something bad will happen. Or something will happen to you.

GV: Which won't.

KA: Just... just promise me that you'll be careful. I know what _you're_ _like_, you run and gun and then end up in a hole I have to get you out of.

GV: I'll be careful, I promise. Just promise me in return that you will not do anything stupid. I know what _you're like_ with crazy, most-proberly-going-to-get-me-killed plans, Kai.

KA: I won't do anything stupid. I promise, Garrus.

GV: **(Soft Trill) **Now let's see if we can keep them.

KA: Yeah that's the hard part.

GV: Come here. **(Pause of five seconds) **Do you think we've got enough time for a quick tyrs-OW!

KA: **(Laughs) **Oh nice try. Tell you what if you keep your promise then maybe we'll have time.

GV: It was worth a try. Can I at least have a kiss?

KA: Of course-

JS: Hey Alenko, Garrus. There you are. Come on we need to get going. Wrex will be with Ashley, knocking on Saren's front door. Alenko, you and Liara will be coming with me though the back door.

GV: What am I doing?

JS: You'll be doing the final prep to our 'present' for Saren with Tali.

GV: Got it Commander.

JS: Let's get going then.

GV: **(Mutters to self) **Goddamn cock blocker... Oh... how very sneaky of you Kai.

KA: For Good Luck. Now let's go and say hello to Saren

* * *

**Okay next part will be the decision from Shepard, and I am already hating myself... and wondering whether it's a good idea and if CyanB will hate me for it. **

**Obviously I'm mucking around with Canon by sending Wrex with Ash, but it's to serve two purposes:**

**1) It reduces the people Shep has available so it's harder to order someone to stay at the bombsite **

**2) And it makes bloody sense. Alright, a Krogan makes a good distraction, especially when they are angry. So of course you'll send him to knock on the front door. Though when I say knock I mean headbutt. Plus Wrex wants to keep his 'little sister' safe.**

**I'll be typing up the second part and posting that soon, hopefully.**


	16. Virmire Part 2

**Okay apologies to my readers, I got swamped somewhat with Exams, Good news is I only have Maths, Biology and History left. Bad news, I'm sorely tempted to go on a killing rampage in school if I have to do one more god damn trigonometry question...**

**I completely forget about posting this Chap as I was busy with revision and writing the third part of Virmire as I had wanted to post both of them together. So please don't kill me.**

**Grazie to my Beta Arcana Mortis.  
**

* * *

**(Audio Transcript from hardsuit recorders. Suits: Kaidan Alenko and John Shepard.)**

**(20 Minutes until explosion) **

JS: Okay We're at the bombsite Joker. Bring her in.

JJM: Roger that Commander, coming in to land.

JS: Alenko, set up the bomb with Tali and Garrus. Liara ,get to the medbay, that shotgun wound looks bad. Captain Kirrahe, you can start withdrawing your teams now.

CK: Understood Commander. Mannovai, Aehohr, retreat immediately. Jaeto is nearby to your position, Commander.

JS: Copy that. Williams, how far away from the rendezvous are you.

**(Sound of Gunfire over comms) **

AW: We're at the AA tower. **(Explosion) **SHIT! Wrex, keep your head down! Commander We're pinned down by a shit load of Geth- Everyone keep your heads down! They've got snipers. We need back up Skipper!

JS: Hold on Ashley, we're coming. Status on the bomb!

KA: Everything's almost done sir. Just one last thing. I'll stay, you can take Tali and Garrus and get Ashley.

JS: Okay, Garrus, Tali with me. Steinbeck stay with Alenko. Double time, everyone!

* * *

**(17 minutes before explosion) **

AW: LT I just saw a dropship heading your way!

KA: Yeah! I noticed! We've got Geth swarming us!

JS: Alenko! Can you hold them off until we get Williams?

KA: Negative! We can't- Shit! Steinbeck's down! **(Gunshots) **I'm arming the bomb!

AW: What the f-**(Gunshots)**

GV: Damn it Kaidan!

JS: What the hell are you doing Lieutenant?!

KA: Making sure the bomb goes off. No matter what. I can't hold them off for much longer. Now go and get Ash!

GV: No! We are not leaving you behind Kaidan!

AW: Screw that! Shepard get Alenko's scrawny ass out of there! You need to make sure the bomb goes off!

JS: Joker, can you extract Williams' team?

JJM: Negative. LZ is too hot. Same with Alenko.

JS: Ash, can you fight your way out?

AW: Hell no! We've got injured and not many people left. Wrex is badly injured and losing alot of blood!

UW: Nonsense. I can fight-argh!

AW: Sit down Wrex! You're in no condition.

KA: Commander just get Ashley now- **(Cry of pain)** Just get the hell out of here!

GV: Kaidan! DON'T YOU DARE-

KA: **(To Garrus) **Watashi wa jikan no owari made anato o aishite. **(Comm is cut off) **

JS: Alenko? Come in Alenko?

TZ: He turned his radio off.

JS: Shit. **(Deep breath) **Come on we need to get to Williams.

GV: What? We can't leave Kaidan!

JS: Garrus I'm sorry but we have to.

GV: No we don't! Let me and Tali double back. We can hold the bomb while you get Ashley.

JS: It won't work! I can't defeat a whole load of Geth on my own.

GV: Then I'll go...

JS: GARRUS. Kaidan is most likely dead or dying. I will not send you or Tali to your deaths.

GV: I won't leave him behind!

TZ: Oh Keelah. We are wasting time if Kaidan armed the bomb then we have only... 12 minutes left. We need to go now.

JS: Garrus I'm sorry, I know you and Kaidan are good friends. But we have to save Ashley and the Salarians now. Joker, meet us at the AA tower.

JJM: On my way Commander **(Whispers to self) **Sorry Kaidan. I'm so sorry...

GV: You're leaving him? Your own friend?

TZ: Garrus! Shepard is right! Kaidan wants us to save Ashley, let's at least do that for him.

JS: Please listen to us. We need to go. Tali get in the lift.

TZ: Of course.

GV: No! There's a chance he's still alive. I won't abandon him!

JS: Where the hell are you going-ack!

**(GV grabs JS by the throat) **

TZ: Garrus!

GV: **(Growls)** I am going back for him.

**(GV throws JS into the lift and hurries off to the bombsite.) **

JS: Damn it! Vakarian!... Ash! Hold on we're coming!... I'm sorry Kaidan...

* * *

**(6 Minutes before explosion) **

TZ: Everyone's aboard Shepard. Wrex is getting patched up.

JJM: Commander if we are going to get out of here, we'd better go now.

JS: Just wait two minutes. I want to give Garrus a chance.

AW: John, you said yourself heading back for Kaidan was suicide. We need to go.

JS: Just... just give him a chance.

AW: Why?

JS: I'm hoping I was wrong, just this once, I'm wishing I was wrong.

TZ: You think Garrus might have a chance of saving Kaidan?

JS: For the first time, I'm praying to God that there is.

JJM: Commander... two minutes are up, we need to go now or the blast will cause some serious damage to the Normandy.

AW: John... we need to go.

JS: I know. Joker... get us out of he-

* * *

**So I don't update for four weeks and I decide to be completely cruel and leave it on a cliff hanger. Now I'm really hoping none of you live in Britain...**

**I will attempt to send the 3rd part to my Beta and post it. It's just tricky and has lots of feels that I want to get right...**

**Kaidan's Japanese: "I love you till the end of time." Kudos to those who recognise that line.**


	17. Virmire Part 3

**Here's the final part of Virmire. I'm sorry guys but the Normandy will be _down_ a crew-member after this chapter.**

* * *

JS: I know... Joker get us out of he-

**(Radio crackles) **

GV: Shepard! Please tell me you haven't left! I'm almost at the LZ!

JS: Garrus? Joker, don't even think about leaving!

AW: Vakarian? Move your scaly ass! The bomb's about to blow. Chakwas! Get ready!

JS: **(To self) **Come on Garrus, you can do it.

AW: There he is! Come on you stupid Turian!

**(GV boards Normandy carrying KA and places him on the floor.) **

JS: Joker! He's abroad! Get us out of here!

JJM: No complaints about that. Hold onto something!

KC: Move! We need to get Alenko to the Med-Bay now!

**(KC and JS move to pick up KA and place him on gurney. GV flares mandibles and growls at them) **

JS: Vakarian!

**(UW places hand on GV's shoulder) **

UW: Alenko needs medical attention. Do you want him to die?

GV: **(Low concerned trill) **No. **( Allows JS and KC to take KA to Med-Bay)**

KC: Pulse is weak. Right hand is crushed. Left lung punctured by broken ribs, right lung collapsed. Chakwas to Med-Bay, I need a respirator prepped. Clavicle broken in three places. Possible head and brain trauma. Gunshot wound to the left leg.

JJM: Hang on Kids, explosion in three...two...one.

**(Detonation of nuke) **

JJM: Shock wave will hit us in five, four, three, two, one...

**(Shockwave hits Normandy)**

* * *

**(Audio Transcript: Normandy Mess. 6 hours after Virmire explosion)**

AW: Garrus Please stop pacing. You're driving us all insane.

GV: I just hate this, waiting and there's nothing I can do.

JS: And we hate it too, but there's nothing we can do except wait and let Chakwas do what she can.

GV: I know but...

AW: Garrus, Chakwas is one of the best Doctors in the Alliance, Kaidan will be fine.

TZ: Ash is right. Just sit down and try to calm down.

GV: I can't, I need to kill something -

UW: I can agree with that.

GV: I just need to strangle Saren after what he did to Kaidan.

JS: Saren was at the bomb site?

GV: Yes. He... he was gloating about how Kaidan's sacrifice was pathetic. That it would only delay the inevitable.

LT: Is that how Kaidan got his injuries, from Saren?

GV: **(Nods) **Saren threw Kaidan pretty hard against the wall a few times. I think he was taking his anger out on him...

LT: I hope you taught that bastard a lesson - What?

**(Everyone looks at LT, surprised) **

GV: I did, he ran away though when the bomb's alarms went off.

AW: I hate it when the bad guys run away like that.

**(KC leaves Med-Bay and signals to JS, JS & KC enter Med-Bay) **

TZ: Joker...shouldn't you be flying the ship?

JJM: Relief pilot is flying. I've gotta sleep and eat time to time... that and Kaidan's my friend. I may be a sarcastic son of a bitch and an asshole but I worry about you all.

AW: I knew you had a heart Joker.

JJM: Sadly Ladies, my heart is already taken.

TZ: We know the Normandy's your baby.

**(JS comes back in. Everyone looks at him expectantly.) **

JS: He's going to be fine.

LT: Thank the Goddess!

TZ: Keelah Salai!

AW: Thank the Lord.

GV: His injuries?

JS: Chakwas managed to fix him up the best she could. But he's still on a respirator and his hand needs to be reconstructed.

AW: Can we see him?

JS: Yes but he's in a coma.

GV: What?

JS: Chakwas had to medically induce one. Apparently his implant got severely rattled and he needs to stay in a coma till we can get him to a hospital with better equipment.

TZ: We're in the Terminus systems though! And we need to get back to the Citadel and warn the Council.

GV: As if they'll listen.

JS: We should at least warn them, which is why we are going to the Citadel but we will be transferring Alenko to the SSV Nairobi, they are en route to Terra Nova for repairs.

AW: And Terra Nova have a neurological hospital.

JS: Exactly.

GV: When will we meet up with the Nairobi?

JS: In three hours. If you want to talk to him, go ahead.

**(GV moves to enter the Med-Bay, but JS blocks him.) **

JS: I want to have a word with you first, everyone else can take their turn. Garrus, my quarters please.

**(GV reluctantly enters JS's cabin) **

JS:We need to talk Vakarain.

GV: About my insubordination?

JS: Partly. Garrus, you not only disobeyed my orders and risked you life in a reckless way. You also attacked a superior officer. I'm sure that is not how the Hierarchy teaches it's soldiers to act.

GV: I was never a good Turian.

JS: But while I guess the Hierarchy would be throwing you out flat on your face round about now, I'm glad you went back for Alenko, hell if I could, I'd give you a medal.

GV: What? But I grabbed you by the throat!

JS: Yet you pulled Alenko's ass out of the fire and refused to leave a friend behind.

GV: You're also glad you didn't lose another member of the squad.

JS: Yeah, after Jenkins and my squad on Akuze, I just hate losing people. But I didn't want to risk sending you back and risk losing one more person.

GV: I've lost squad mates before but in the Hierarchy, we are taught that sacrifices are necessary. A bit cold-hearted but...

JS: That's how your military works... Garrus can I ask you something?

GV: Of course, but only if I can ask you something afterwards.

JS: Deal... Before Alenko turned off his radio, he said something that my translator didn't pick up. I think it was Chinese -

GV: Japanese. Kaidan's father is from Japan.

JS: **(Looks curiously at Garrus) **Okay, what did he say? 'cause whatever he said made you freeze up and go pale.

GV: My face plates do not go pale.

JS: I meant that as a saying, it just felt like you'd gone pale with fear or something.

GV: I... he... **(Sigh) **Kaidan said 'I love you, until the end of time.'

JS: Why would he... oh. **(Stunned silence for a minute or so) **So you and Kaidan are...

GV: Doing the horizontal tango? Dating? An item?

JS: Well it explains a lot...

GV: Should I tell Chakwas that you need a brain transplant?

JS: Please do. How long?

GV: We ... er became an item sometime after the Vorcha Mafia case. Don't ask, it just... happened.

JS: So that's why you two were mucking around with your omni-tools after we picked you up at Dr Michel's clinic.

GV: Well, we hadn't seen each other for a month and I'm not sure Kaidan or you would have appreciated me kissing him on the spot.

JS: Why not tell us you were together? I mean the whole crew knows about me and Ash...

GV: Yeah, but you're both human and the opposite gender to each other. Kaidan and I weren't sure how everyone would react.

JS: I don't understand.

GV: Relay 314, Shanxi, first contact war.

JS: Good point. Pressley and Ashley were hostile to you at first, I'm not sure how they would have reacted if they knew about you and Kaidan.

GV: Very negatively. Hopefully I won't get lynched.

JS: I think everyone will be too mind boggled to do or say anything.

GV: Brain transplants for everyone?

JS: I think we'll run out.

GV: Yeah...

JS: You can ask your question, you know.

GV: What? Oh! Ermm... sorry if this seems a little insensitive but... What would you have done if Ashley was at the bombsite and Kaidan was at the AA tower?

JS: **(Silent for a few seconds) **...I'm not sure. I'd like to say I would have gone to the AA tower. They were more people there. You know, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of one. But... I'm not sure. Kaidan a good friend, like a brother but Ashley means more to me. I was scared back on Virmire, scared of losing my place of happiness.

GV: So was I. I'm not sure if I'd been in your position, I would have made the logical choice.

JS: Like you said, you were never a good Turian.

GV: True, I think I would have made a better Human.

JS: You better go and check on Kaidan, before he's transferred to the Nairobi. I won't tell anyone about you and Kaidan, I'll let you both decide when to make it public.

GV: Thank you Shepard.

* * *

**(Audio Transcript. Location: Normandy Med-Bay)**

**(Garrus Vakarian talking to Kaidan Alenko.) **

GV: Hey Kai... oh have I got a bone to pick with you... I never understood that saying. How do you pick a bone with someone? It just doesn't make sense... I suppose the Turian equivalent is, 'we need to talk, you and I'... though that just sounds like a line from one of those cop films.  
**(Sigh) **  
What the hell were you thinking? Activating that goddamn bomb? I thought you promised me you wouldn't try any of your stupid and crazy plans. Okay I broke my promise but that was to save you from being va... vaporized. Just please, please don't do anything to scare me like that again. You scared us all. I'm pretty sure that Liara, Tali and Ashley were crying when they were talking to you. So expect to be getting crushed by hugs when you wake up and maybe hit for doing such a crazy thing.

Though when you've fully recovered, I swear to the spirits, that I will drag you to my apartment and show you just how much that stunt made me realise how much I love you. Understood, Kai?

**(Soft Trill) **  
Just get better, for me. Goodbye Kaidan, Watashi wa jikan no owari made anato o aishite.

* * *

**So... Do I need to run away to my top secret bunker, CyanB?**

**Thanks to my Beta, Arcana Mortis.**

**PS: So if Shepard didn't know Kaidan and Garrus were together, who was the third person who voted on the poll, earlier on in the story?**


	18. Pre-Ilos

**(Message intercept, 2 hours after the hijacking of the Normandy)**

To: Staff Lieutenant Kaidan R. Alenko, Nightingale Neurological Hospital Terra Nova.

From: Garrus Vakarian, SSV Normandy SR1

Subject: Just In Case

Hey Kai, Chakwas told me you had surgery as soon as you arrived at the hospital, something about an issue with your implant. I hope it went well, though I'm told you are still in your coma. I just hope you wake up and get to read this before I visit. It would save time instead of me having to explain... If I'm not in jail.

Okay, right now you're probably giving me that look of worry and panic for me... or a face palm... yeah it'll be that while muttering 'what have you done this time?'

Well for the record... it's all Shepard's fault, I swear. It was his and Anderson's idea to steal the Normandy... err... I mean borrowed... okay we stole the Normandy. For a good cause!

The Council refused to take Shepard seriously about Sovereign, Shepard tried to reason with them, asked them to let him take the Normandy to Ilos and find the conduit. Instead they decided to bench Shepard AND the Normandy. He was not a happy bunny _(That's the right saying, isn't it?)_ after that. He tried getting the lock down lifted, tried calling in favors but it didn't work. Eventually Anderson contacted us, said he was going to break into Udina's office and from there he would lift the lock down. Unlike the others, Anderson actually believed in the threat of the Reapers. Hopefully he punched that _(content filter activated)_ for us.

I have to admit, all the crew seem alright, considering that we have just mutinied and stolen a mutli-million credit, prototype stealth warship. And guess what! Presley is there smiling like the cat who got the sparrow _(Or is it canary?)_. Presley, the pure Alliance blood officer, who by all rights should have back-stabbed us for even thinking about mutinying, is standing there grinning his head off!

You have to appreciate the irony though. Shepard's been telling me all along that I should abide by the what does he go and do? Steals the Normandy. I can't shoot people in the head who deserve it but he gets to nick a ship? Don't worry I'm only joking. I actually told Shepard that and he laughed then apologised. Said next time we came across someone who I wanted to go vigilante on, I could. Though I don't think that will be happening. We'll save the galaxy then get locked up for mutiny and Grand Theft Auto. How about that for gratitude?

I'm not sure if you'll be awake when this arrives but it helps, just to send you a message. Tali sent one to her father, Ashley to her mother and sisters, Shepard to his parents. Just in case things go wrong or... or we don't come back. Right now you're most probably telling me not to fret, something's already gone wrong. Still though when I get back, we are going to have a nice, long discussion about how arming a nuke counts as stupid! Just promise me that you won't do something like that again. If you do and you die as a result, I will get you resurrected so I can kill you myself.

I'd better wrap this up soon, Shepard wants me to get some rest before Ilos. Talking about Shepard. He inquired about my reaction and me going back for you. I decided that I might as well tell him, figured someone would get curious eventually and ran what you said to me though a translator. So, yeah... Shepard knows about us. Just him though.

Anyway, you know how I always asked you what that thing you said to me fully meant. I always thought there were too many words for it to simply be 'I love you'. So I put it though a translator and... I'm touched.

Watashi wa jikan no owari made anato o aishite as well Kaidan. Spirits speed your recovery.

Garrus.

P.S When Saren is dead, I am getting on the first ship to Terra Nova. I don't care if even Shepard orders me to stay. I am going to Terra Nova to make sure you are okay. So expect to wake up to a handsome Turian camping in your room with the door barricaded or me breaking into the hospital ,Mission Impossible style.

* * *

**(Message Intercept, 20 minutes into the Battle of the Citadel, addressed to Garrus Vakarian)  
**

Stay safe.

Kaidan.

* * *

**One more Chapter.**

**Question: Do you want it to be just Garrus and Kaidan? Or would you prefer that the Normandy squad to be around towards the end?  
**


	19. Epilouge

**Well, last chapter. I'll leave the speech for later. So Kaidan/Garrus fluff coming up, along with the Normandy crew and the revelation of the third better.**

* * *

**(Audio Transcript. Location: Nightingale neurological Hospital, Terra Nova, Room 32. Between Garrus Vakarian and Kaidan Alenko. Notes: 2 days after the battle of the Citadel.)**

GV: **(Knocks) **Hello? You awake Kai?

KA: No. I'm asleep, dreaming of being ravished by a handsome Turian.

GV: Well, nice to see you've gained a sense of humor.

KA: Hey! I had a great sense of humor before and still do. I... erm... got your message when I woke up.

GV: When did you wake up?

KA: Sometime before Sovereign attacked the Citadel. I did tell you to stay safe.

GV: Really bit hard to check, Saren may have fried my Omni-tool.

KA: Did you at least shoot him in the head for me?

GV: He saved us the trouble, did it himself. Shepard told me and Ashley put few more in to make sure. Then Sovereign hijacked his corpse.

KA: Sounds like I missed a fair bit... like stealing the Normandy.

GV: Shepard's fault, not mine.

KA: I know. How is Shepard? I heard he got injured.

GV: How do you know that? News is still filtering though to here and patients aren't allowed Extranet access.

KA: **(A little too fast) **I overheard it.

GV: You are a terrible liar, Kai. You hacked into the hospital's wi-fi, didn't you?

KA: Maybe... Don't give me that look! I was worried.

GV: **(Chuckles) **I understand. I would have done the same.

KA: No. You would break out of the hospital, hijack a ship and come find me.

GV: ...You're right. I would do that.

KA: Yes, you would. So, will I be getting a message off Shepard saying you've abandoned your duty?

GV: Actually John encouraged me to come here... along with Ashley, who offered 'verbal encouragement'

KA: Very colourful verbal encouragement, I presume?

GV: What else do you expect from Wrex's adopted little sister?

KA: Good point.

GV: I was also tasked with delivering your care package. **(Places box onto the bed) **Joker said that I couldn't let the nurses see what is inside. Not sure why.

KA: Because care packages usually contain stuff patients are not allowed... Yes! Note to self: thank Ashley for the brownies.

GV: Are you meant to have brownies?

KA: ...No?... **(****Sigh) **All I'm allowed to have is this nasty, gloppy, green concoction, which tastes like Vorcha shit. Not to mention the Doc won't tell me what's in it.

GV: Kaidan, if it's going to harm your recovery... No... do not give me the puppy eyes... No!... fine have them.

KA: Thank you.

GV: You are so manipulative.

KA: No, you're just putty in my hands.

GV: **(Sigh and eye roll) **What else is in here? Chakwas sent some of your migraine meds. Liara sent a get well card and some reading material. Tali sent a datapad, which is basically a 10,000 word essay on why the Nexus is better than the Logic Arrest.

KA: **(Speaks with mouth full) **That sounds like Tali, she's-

GV: Kaidan, didn't your mother teach you not to speak with your mouth full?

KA: **(Swallows) **As I was saying, she's stubborn when it comes to Omni-tools.

GV: There's a message from Wrex, something about how he thought you were a wimpy Pyjak at first but admits you definitely have a quad. Shepard sent essentials, clothes, toothbrush, hair gel.

KA: And you sent yourself?

GV: Best present?

KA: I need to deflate your ego soon. At this rate it'll fill up the room.

GV: Hey!

KA: **(Chuckles) **Is everyone okay, back on the Normandy?

GV: Shepard's got a busted arm,but he's alright. Everyone else on the squad has cuts and bruises but they'll survive... though they may end up with their brains melting...

KA: Why?

GV: Shepard has offered to break the news to them for us and to take a picture of their faces. Said to let him know if he could.

KA: You had better tell him to do so then. Since you've already told Shepard.

GV: Yeah, sorry about that.

KA: It's okay. About time they found out anyway, especially since Pakti and Chase are betting on it.

GV: Better let John know then...

KA: Yeah, I guess you want to talk about what happened no Virm-**(Rest of sentence is muffled and cut off)**

GV: Ti Jamo Kaidan **(Translation from ancient Turian, I love you)**

* * *

**(Audio transcript. Location: SSV Normandy SR1. A day later. Commander John Shepard addressing the Crew.)**

JS: Right everyone, we are heading to Terra Nova for some upgrades and, to me, more importantly to check up on Lieutenant Alenko. There will be Shore Leave as well. Which if you ask me, we bloody well deserve, **(Whoops of agreement from certain crew members) **considering we just blew Sovereign to itty bitty pieces and spent the last three days assisting with the clean up. Any questions?

JJM: Yeah! Any news on Kaidan?

JS: He's fine and awake, he won't be able to come back on board though. The doctor's are still checking his implant. Kaidan also asked me to inform you all of something.

RD: Like what? That he and Garrus are together and have been well before they came on board?

JS: Rosalind, are you a psychic? Because you just hit the nail on the head.

Everyone: WHAT?

CP: **(Splutters)** Alenko is with Garrus?!

AP: Hell yeah! Pay up bitches!

AC: Whooho! Some decent payola!

JJM: Whoa, wait. Shepard, you are joking, aren't you?... Oh my God, you are not joking... Kaidan and Garrus? I-I-I **(Continues to stutter)**

AW: Well... that explains a lot... John. How long have you known?

JS: Erm... sometime after Virmire. Garrus told me and asked that I keep quiet... Pakti, Chase. Please cease you victory dancing. **(Quieter) **It's kinda cringe worthy.

AP+AC: Sorry sir!

* * *

**(Audio Transcript. Location: Nightingale Neurological Hospital. Room 32. 12 hours later)**

JS: Why me?

AW: Because you're the Commander. Now peak inside.

JS: Hey! I'm the CO here, who put you in charge?

AW: John, I'm your girlfriend. Now peak or I'll tell everyone what you talk about in your sleep.

JS: Fine. **(Peeks around corner, only to come face to face with Garrus)**

GV: Shepard.

JS: Garrus... erm... hello? **(Nervous chuckle)**

GV: Spying, are we?

JS: No. Okay maybe, Ash-

AW: **(Interrupts partway) **No, just making sure we weren't about to interrupt anything. Can we come in?

GV: Of course.

**(JS, AW, TZ, LT, UW and JJM enter the room)**

AW: **(Hugging KA) **Thank God, you're okay. Oh and this **(Punches KA in the gut) **is for activating that goddamn Nuke.

KA: Ow. Sorry Ash.

LT: You look quite well, Lieutenant.

KA: Thank you Liara. Oh and Tali, the Logic Arrest is still better.

TZ: I have a Shotgun, you bosh'tet! The Nexus is better.

JS: Can we please not kill Kaidan? We need somebody to do the reports.

KA: Oh, nice to see I'm loved.

JJM: Of course we love you. If you died, we'd most probably end up with a stuck up son of a bitch.

KA: If I remember correctly, that what you called me when we first met.

JJM: Okay, we'd have to train the next stuck up son of a bitch we end up with.

KA:** (Deadpan) **Why, thank you. Nice to know you are so caring.

JJM: Aye. I have watched you from afar, my love. Please elope with me, me dear.

GV: **(Low growl) **Watch it Moreau, he is my lover.

JJM: Speaking of Kaidan being yours, Pakti and Chase thank you for their nice windfall. Shepard, on the other hand, lost a fair amount.

AW: Somebody forgot to mention that, who did John bet on?

JJM: Liara and Kaidan.

KA+GV: Seriously?

JS: One word or smart ass comment and I swear... look it just seemed like a good match.

JJM: Yes, well let's see who else, other than Pakti and Chase were right.

AW: It's gotta be Chakwas. She knows everything, I swear she's the Shadow Broker.

JJM: Well there was a bet placed before shore leave and another after shore leave... What... The... Shit?

Everyone: What? Who is it?

JJM: Well, the bet placed after shore leave was placed by Urdnot Wrex...

UW: **(Chuckles at surprised faces) **

JJM: And Doctor...

KA: Chakwas?

JJM: **(Shakes head) **Doctor Liara T'Soni.

**(Everyone looks at LT, who is smiling smugly)**

LT: What? I was not completely oblivious to what was going on in the CIC.

UW: I have to admit T'Soni. I'm glad I took your advice and bet on those two.

GV: Liara? How in the spirit's names did you suspect us?

LT: I... erm knew before hand. **(Fidgets with hands) **

GV: How?

LT: Well before shore leave, I went down to the cargo bay and ... well... let's just say contary to popular belief, the Mako is not soundproof.

**(Silence) **

KA: Oh shit.

AW: You did not...

TZ: ...Oh Keelah... You did, didn't you. In the Mako? We use that... well used to use it for missions. **(Pointed glare at JS, who whistles innocently****) **You bosh'tets!

KA: In our defense, unlike Shepard and Ashley, we don't have a private cabin.

**(UW, JA, JJM and LT chuckle while AW and TZ glare at KA and GV.)**

AW: That is no excuse. I was at in the back during Ilos and to think...

GV: Hey! I cleaned the Mako afterwards!

JS: Okay kids, let's calm down. I do want everyone intact for wiping out the rest of the Geth.

UW: Not me, I'm heading back to Tunchanka. Need to start headbutting some sense into people.

AW: Yeah, while the rest of us have to blast robots to bits.

JS: Well, the rest of us except Kaidan and Garrus.

GV: Wait, what? Kaidan I understand, but I'm alright.

JS: You are staying to make sure Kaidan doesn't arm anymore nukes. Plus, you two deserve some time off together.

GV: Of course, and let you have all the fun.

AW: At least you'll get Kaidan all to yourself.

KA: And with him around the nurses and Doctors may stop flirting with me.

GV: Yeah-wait? They've been flirting with you? Which ones?

KA: **(Chuckles) **You are so adorable when you're jealous.

* * *

_So this is the end of Dirty Little Secret. I have a plot line or two on how to continue this into Mass Effect 2 but I'll be writing up a backlog first. __  
_

_Anyway, better get to the thanks and all that. First of all Thank you to CyanB for the constant reviews, encouragement and some funny ideas. Oh and pointing out some embarrassing typos. (I still can't beleive I wrote 'rinks at flux.)_

_Secondly, Thank you to Arcana Mortis who beta read the 2nd and 3rd parts of Virmire. Grazie for making sure I kept to the audio logs and not change to full writing._

_Lastly I must thank the other Disciples of Valenko, (AKA Reviewers):_

_Wolfgirl-Valentine  
Angsty ShenkoSharma Wild  
anarchycox  
queer-serenity  
GamerGirl43  
Tumeo  
Brogatar  
and WhobieLeah12  
_

_Right now I better start on the sequel. I'll let you guys know when it's out._

_Trishata96_


End file.
